Final Stretch aka Third Trimester!!

So to all those who are concerned, Baby James is happy and healthy :)  He is now 3.2 pounds and over 14 inches long.  We are growing even more excited to see our little bundle of joy.  His room is setup and awaiting for Baby James to fill it.

However, we're anticipating what kind of delivery he will be.  James' big brother Kevin was born with shoulder dystocia so the doctors have warned us that a cesarean may be in our future.  Now we are keeping our fingers crossed that Baby James will be a much easier delivery.  The doctors are different, of course, but I will still be delivering in Sanford, where Kevin and his cousins, all but Kalib, were born.  Jim and I went to tour the labor and delivery floor and it is awesome!  It pretty much looks the same, but it has been remodeled and refurnished, plus all the nurses are now required to wear pink scrubs with a white top underneath.  This is so that they can be easily identified as baby nurses.  My ever caring and concerned hubby just worries about the drive because we live 45 minutes away.  I try telling him that there's more to labor and a lot of waiting but as this is his first time going through this process it goes in one ear and out the other.

So why the name James and what will he be called?  James is named after his dad, obviously, but it is also a family name.  Jim's grandpa is James Robert, his father is Robert James, and Jim is James Adam.  So it's 3, or 4, generations in one, however, you want to look at it.  James' middle name is Odin after the Norse god.  Jim and I both have a passion for mythology (me more so the Greek, Jim the Norse gods) and why you ask?  Odin is the chief god of Norse mythology and the father of Thor.  Could be worse.  Jim could have named him after Star Trek or Doctor Who.  LOL  I plan on calling him Baby James or just James, Grandma Anna wants to call him JJ, Jim wants to call him Odin, and big brother Kevin wants to call him JJ.  So he will have a lot of nicknames just like Jim.

Everything is going well.  No seizures.  Baby James practices gymnastics in the morning, in the car, in the afternoon, and when my head hits the pillow.  This week I have started being monitored to make sure that Baby James will continue to grow healthy and big.  I have also taken my second glucose test as I have failed my first, ICK!  Hoping that I hear good news Monday but if not then I'll speak with the doctor and have a more strict diet.

But nothing can keep this family of three down!  We are happily/anxiously waiting for our newest member!  I think this baby is going to look more like his daddy :)  When we went to have the ultrasound done she was taken aback by his cute features.  He has a tiny nose like his daddy Jim and big cheeks like his momma.  We love you, little man!  Can't wait to hear your cries, your coos, and of course, we can't wait to hold you in our arms and watch you sleep!  And we have less than 79 days to go!  Woohoo!  We're in for the final stretch now!

Anxiously Awaiting Baby James' Debut

Yesterday Jim, Kevin, and I got our portraits done as a family.  It's something that I've always wanted us to do and since we had a coupon and baby James on the way we thought we'd take a before baby picture and then we'll add him to our next one.  With every passing day we grow more anxious to see, hold, kiss, and cuddle our little baby:)  It's a lot to take in sometimes.  Jim was my best friend in high school and now we're married and in a few more months we'll have our own baby Panko.  I couldn't ask for two better guys :)  Jim is always there for me.  Whether I'm emotional, having a craving, or in pain (growing pains and/or aches).  He's been wonderful through it all!  He's so patient and understanding, I feel so incredibly blessed!  Kevin is patient and understanding as well.  He helps out when and where he can.  He likes to read to his baby brother and pick out gifts for him as well.  Of course, they all have duckies or penguins on them as these are Kevin's favorite animals.  I just pray that baby James will be patient, kind, and smart like his older brother and his daddy:)

We are anxiously awaiting your arrival, baby James.  Although you are not born yet we all love you immensely!  We can't wait to hold you in our arms, can't wait to have long nights, and short days with you <3  We love you!  Mommy, Daddy, and your older brother, Kevin.

My 7 year old miracle

Mommy and sons

I love these boys and this pic! It's like it's from a magazine!

 

Both of my handsome guys looking at the camera

 

A great song, great musician, and a great reminder

"Better Than I Used to Be"

by: Tim McGraw

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie

I ain't no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
But there’s still one or two I might need you to help me get

Standing in the rain so long has left me with a little rust

But put some faith in me

And someday you'll see

There's a diamond under all this rust

I ain't no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleaning up my act little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

     I love this song because I feel that it describes me perfectly!  I am not perfect.  I have made a lot of mistakes but I feel that I am still humble and a good person.  I am trying to correct my mistakes and keep moving forward.  It's not easy but it's necessary for me to do this in order to feel whole and/or healed.  I love my boys and my family for making me want to be a better person than who I was yesterday and little by little I'm getting there.  

Dreams Come True!

So in my last blog I mentioned some of the happenings in December of 2012...  I failed to mention a certain young lady who means a lot to me and who I am extremely proud of!

I have a picture of this girl whose dream was to be Clara in The Nutcracker.  She was 6 years old at the time.  I was babysitting her and her little brother one night and all this girl could talk about was being Clara.  She even had a nutcracker that her mom had given her and she picked it up and began to dance with it.  She began asking me if I would take her picture with her nutcracker doll and, of course, I happily obliged.

Of course, I am talking about my favorite blond haired, green eyed niece, Kennedy.  She has grown so much in the past 5 years!  She is even more beautiful and even more talented than she was when she was 6!  Who would've thought that was possible? :p  I love this girl with all my heart and I am so proud of the young woman that she is becoming!  She is responsible, dresses modestly, speaks kindly to others, is creative, does well in school, and is a wonderful friend, niece, cousin, daughter, granddaughter, and a loving sister to her younger brother, Oliver!  She is loved by all those who know her!  I just wanted to take a moment and congratulate her on her dream coming true!  For last year she got to play Clara in The Nutcracker (and on pointe)!  She did an amazing job and danced beautifully!  As I said before as each day that passes she continues to grow more beautiful and even more talented!  Congratulations, Kennedy!  I love you!  I pray that all of your dreams may continue coming true in 2013 and in the many years ahead of you!  Congrats again!

Kennedy and Angela as Clara and Mrs. Silberhaus

And a pic from the program

Looking to the Future and a Glance of 2012

"With a future so bright I have to wear shades!"  It hasn't been an easy journey that's for sure, but a journey well worth the travel!  2012 was fun but I am looking to 2013 with much anticipation!  I will get my AA degree this year, I shall meet our newest addition, and hopefully start working toward my Bachelor's degree.  What an exciting year indeed!

However, 2012 also brought heartache...  Especially the month of December...  With the shooting at Sandy Hook and the death of a great man.  So when the shootings took place I was at home with my husband.  We were cleaning up the house and repainting rooms when we heard the news.  As a mother of an elementary student I burst into tears.  I can only imagine the heartache and the turmoil that the parents and families must have felt!  How truly horrific!  I know at least 8 elementary students off hand, which most are family and friends...  When you drop your child off at school you don't think about someone showing up to shoot innocent children...  So horrific...  There are no words to describe...  My heart, my prayers go out to those affected by this tragedy.

Among the deaths in 2012 a great man died of cancer.  He was the first person to teach me CPR and first aid, he drove the youth to their activities, and he also took us on our hikes for young women and young men.  He was a patient man who never passed up the opportunity to bear his testimony, to let his family know how much he loved them, and he was selfless!  When my son overdosed on medicine I was such a wreck and so we called the ward and they got a hold of Brother Kumbera.  He was in the middle of dinner and enjoying time with family and friends when he got the call.  Without hesitation he showed up at the hospital and gave Kevin a blessing.  I was/am beyond thankful for that!  He always talked to the youth and had a great sense of humor.  He also spoke at Brian's Eagle Scout Badge Court of Honor.  I hope he knows that I am just one of the many people whose lives were touched by his existence!  He was/is a great man!  He shall be missed by all who knew him.  Thank you, Brother Kumbera for being you!  May you rest in peace until we meet again!

So what shall my goals be for 2013?  I know at the top is to eat healthy for two, to pass my classes, and to see what I have to do to get into Stetson University.  I know it's an uphill struggle but I remain positive at my choice to major in Psychology.  I have always been interested in why people turn out the way they do, why they make certain decisions, and as I have come from a dark past I only want to help those who are struggling.  So I will meet my challenges, my fears head on and I will be stronger and a better person for that.    So again I say "with a future so bright I have to wear shades!"

Looking back: The three of us at Disney Quest in January 2012

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

     Merry Christmas to all!  Kevin, Jim, and I watch another year come to a close.  What an exciting year it was!  I finished my classes, it was quite challenging being pregnant and all but I'm glad I did it!  I remember being pregnant with Kevin and I dropped out of school because I was so sick, however, I was determined to stick with it and my stubbornness paid off!  I have four more classes to take in the Spring and then I'll get my AA degree.  So exciting!  The only thing is is that the baby will be due about the time I finish so I just hope everything works out but "where there's a will there's a way".  I really believe in that so I have faith that everything will work out for the three, scratch that, the four of us!

     Kevin is growing like a weed!  He's around 4'5 and 64 pounds!  He likes to play video games, being outside, Pokemon, sonic, and Disney!  He's doing really well in school as he gets straight A's.  His favorite subject at the moment is Science.  He loves doing experiments in his class and even does some at home!  He is very excited about having a younger sibling!  He has been helping me decorate and go through things to prepare for our new arrival.  Better yet he reads to the baby every night so that the baby will know his voice.  I don't know how I got so blessed but I pray that I will always be worthy of my little ones!  Who knew you could love someone so much?!

     Jim is working ALL the time!  Picking up shifts to ensure that we have enough money to support an extra mouth to feed.  He is excited to meet his first born, of course!  His parents and siblings are supportive of us as well and were joyous when we told them the news!  Jim is their oldest and their youngest grandchild just turned 5 so they're eager to have a new baby in the family as well.  I have no doubt about Jim being a great father to a newborn.  I watch him play with Kevin, with our nieces, and nephews and I just know he'll be wonderful!  And I know I don't have to worry about Kevin either.  Every day when I pick up Kevin from school he hugs me and asks how my day was and then he asks about the baby as he hugs my belly.

     Christmas is all about family and friends and I am so grateful for mine!  I'm thankful for the memories that we get to create together as a family!  I'm so excited to meet our little one and watch him grow just as I have Kevin!  I know Kevin will be an amazing big brother and Jim will be an awesome dad, he is already to Kevin.  Jim and I are so much alike when it comes to parenting.  Our children are put first as we make a life for them and do everything that we can that they may have a good life.  That they remain happy, healthy, and know that they are loved.  Kevin said "I know the baby will feel like I feel.  I want Jim to stay at home with me and play but I know he has to go to work so we have money.  But the baby will want Jim to stay at home and play with him or her all day, just as I do."  Kevin understands that to have a family you have to work hard.  I'm glad that he sees this.  I pray that he will find a job that he loves just as Jim has done and I pray that he will be a hard worker like Jim.

     So again Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all from our family to yours :)

A Year of Change

This has definitely been a year of change!  In May I decided to sign up for Kickboxing and had Kevin taking Karate.  I for one LOVED it!  Every day we did a new workout routine and more muscles would ache...  But as I would workout I'd think "this is my kind of people".  We would run around the gym, we would punch the punching bags, or kick them.  It was so much fun!  Every day I would look forward to returning and starting the process all over again.  However, in August I broke my ankle...  It was a new kind of pain...  It didn't throb like sprains... Instead it would feel like burning pain or sometimes it would get cold and feel numb...  I hated it!  I was to rely on crutches until I saw the orthopedic...  I had to drive to get Kevin to and from school, my ankle was in constant pain so that I could not sleep at night, and I quickly found out that new muscles began to hurt from using crutches.  When I saw the orthopedic he stated that it was a hair-line fracture, "the best break to have".  I didn't need a cast, he prescribed me a boot.  I got in touch with a friend of mine who is a Physical Therapist and she told me the things I had to do to get my ROM back in my ankle and how to slowly ween away from the crutches.  So every day I would grit my teeth through the pain and walk with a crutch for 10 minutes.  Eventually I was able to lose the crutch completely and just walk in the boot.

My emotions during this time were like the weather...  One minute I would be happy and sunny then suddenly I would be screaming, and finally I would be crying...  I felt so emotionally unstable.  I began to talk to my husband and my friends and they would offer an ear and words of understanding and encouragement but I still felt like a crazy person.  Then one day before I took Kevin to school I took a pregnancy test...  I didn't tell anyone beforehand because I knew it was going to be negative...  So when I saw the two lines I was astonished and couldn't believe it...  I began talking to my friends and my hubby...  Sending them pictures...  Just absolutely astonished...  Then I went to my OB along with my husband and they confirmed it.  I was 7 weeks pregnant.  We could see the little heart beating and I squeezed Jim's hand.  I looked up and could see that he was teary eyed.  What a perfect anniversary/birthday present <3  I, of course, told Kevin and his response was "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.  I just want us to get along better than Kalib and Hayley".  I laughed and replied, "You're going to be 8 years a part!  I don't see why you wouldn't get along!  If anything you'll have a little shadow following you around."

Monday I will be 14 weeks.  This pregnancy is already different than Kevin's.  With Kevin I was always sick and vomiting now I'm just always nauseous, but I hope as I am approaching my second trimester that things will calm down.  Now looking back my friends, Jim, and I all laugh as we think about how overly emotional I was a few months ago...  It should have been a sign for us that I was pregnant but August was a bad month for all three of us...  Jim wrecked his work vehicle, Kevin got a deep wound on his chin, and I had broken my ankle.  Luckily no one was injured in Jim's wreck and he wasn't placed on suspension, Kevin's cut we were able to fix using butterfly-tape (no visit to the ER), and we think if I hadn't broken my ankle then I would've kept kickboxing and maybe I would've been seriously injured and lost the baby.  Everything happens for a reason.  We don't always understand why but everything works out for the best in the end.

I am also back in school.  Pursuing my AA degree.  If all goes well I will have it in the Spring of 2013.  I like to think that I have accomplished my goals so far...  I have let go of the past, I forgave those that needed it, and every day I am finding closure for my past as well.  Time doesn't heal all pain...  It's what you choose to keep and let go of that helps you get over past trials.  I feel as if I have found the right career for me.  I still don't know where in the field I will go but I have a pretty good idea.  I feel as if I am heading in the right direction.  I cannot express the joy, the contentment that I feel about my life and those around me.  Again I feel so blessed!  And I know I am blessed!  So as 2012 comes to a close I remain anxious and excited to see what 2013 holds in store for my family and I!  Jim and I have anticipated this day for so long and now that it's here I can't help but be grateful and scared...  I worry that at any moment I will wake up from this dream...  I suppose that's normal.  I can't wait to meet our little bundle in 2013! <3