A Year of Change

This has definitely been a year of change!  In May I decided to sign up for Kickboxing and had Kevin taking Karate.  I for one LOVED it!  Every day we did a new workout routine and more muscles would ache...  But as I would workout I'd think "this is my kind of people".  We would run around the gym, we would punch the punching bags, or kick them.  It was so much fun!  Every day I would look forward to returning and starting the process all over again.  However, in August I broke my ankle...  It was a new kind of pain...  It didn't throb like sprains... Instead it would feel like burning pain or sometimes it would get cold and feel numb...  I hated it!  I was to rely on crutches until I saw the orthopedic...  I had to drive to get Kevin to and from school, my ankle was in constant pain so that I could not sleep at night, and I quickly found out that new muscles began to hurt from using crutches.  When I saw the orthopedic he stated that it was a hair-line fracture, "the best break to have".  I didn't need a cast, he prescribed me a boot.  I got in touch with a friend of mine who is a Physical Therapist and she told me the things I had to do to get my ROM back in my ankle and how to slowly ween away from the crutches.  So every day I would grit my teeth through the pain and walk with a crutch for 10 minutes.  Eventually I was able to lose the crutch completely and just walk in the boot.

My emotions during this time were like the weather...  One minute I would be happy and sunny then suddenly I would be screaming, and finally I would be crying...  I felt so emotionally unstable.  I began to talk to my husband and my friends and they would offer an ear and words of understanding and encouragement but I still felt like a crazy person.  Then one day before I took Kevin to school I took a pregnancy test...  I didn't tell anyone beforehand because I knew it was going to be negative...  So when I saw the two lines I was astonished and couldn't believe it...  I began talking to my friends and my hubby...  Sending them pictures...  Just absolutely astonished...  Then I went to my OB along with my husband and they confirmed it.  I was 7 weeks pregnant.  We could see the little heart beating and I squeezed Jim's hand.  I looked up and could see that he was teary eyed.  What a perfect anniversary/birthday present <3  I, of course, told Kevin and his response was "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.  I just want us to get along better than Kalib and Hayley".  I laughed and replied, "You're going to be 8 years a part!  I don't see why you wouldn't get along!  If anything you'll have a little shadow following you around."

Monday I will be 14 weeks.  This pregnancy is already different than Kevin's.  With Kevin I was always sick and vomiting now I'm just always nauseous, but I hope as I am approaching my second trimester that things will calm down.  Now looking back my friends, Jim, and I all laugh as we think about how overly emotional I was a few months ago...  It should have been a sign for us that I was pregnant but August was a bad month for all three of us...  Jim wrecked his work vehicle, Kevin got a deep wound on his chin, and I had broken my ankle.  Luckily no one was injured in Jim's wreck and he wasn't placed on suspension, Kevin's cut we were able to fix using butterfly-tape (no visit to the ER), and we think if I hadn't broken my ankle then I would've kept kickboxing and maybe I would've been seriously injured and lost the baby.  Everything happens for a reason.  We don't always understand why but everything works out for the best in the end.

I am also back in school.  Pursuing my AA degree.  If all goes well I will have it in the Spring of 2013.  I like to think that I have accomplished my goals so far...  I have let go of the past, I forgave those that needed it, and every day I am finding closure for my past as well.  Time doesn't heal all pain...  It's what you choose to keep and let go of that helps you get over past trials.  I feel as if I have found the right career for me.  I still don't know where in the field I will go but I have a pretty good idea.  I feel as if I am heading in the right direction.  I cannot express the joy, the contentment that I feel about my life and those around me.  Again I feel so blessed!  And I know I am blessed!  So as 2012 comes to a close I remain anxious and excited to see what 2013 holds in store for my family and I!  Jim and I have anticipated this day for so long and now that it's here I can't help but be grateful and scared...  I worry that at any moment I will wake up from this dream...  I suppose that's normal.  I can't wait to meet our little bundle in 2013! <3



April 2005

So about seven years ago when I discovered that I was vomiting and having "growing pains" because I was in the first trimester of pregnancy, not because it was Appendicitis, this was the day the doctors gave me as my due date for my little Kevin. They said April 20, 2005. But much to my surprise and delight he came earlier.

It was not like any other childbirth, however. I remember laying in my parents recliner watching television with my sister-in-law complaining of a headache... Then I blacked out and could feel my legs shake as I had a tremor aka a small seizure. I immediately went into panic mode as I feared for my little baby. I knew that legs tremors were always a warning that a grandmal seizure is coming... I called out to my parents and they helped me off the recliner and into my sisters car. They rushed me to the ER and my mom called before hand to tell them what had happened.

Once at the hospital there were nurses there waiting for me with a wheelchair and they wheeled me into a room. Dr. Gizaw, a Neurologist, came into the room shortly after. There was a lot of commotion as the nurses got me out of the bed so they could wheel me upstairs to have an ultrasound to make sure baby Kevin was okay. However, Dr. Gizaw put a stop to this. He said I was not to leave the room, had the nurses help me back into bed, and stated to everyone that the ultrasound would be brought to me. Oh, I was so happy and relieved that I could have hugged and kissed the doctor!

The nurses brought the ultrasound machine to me and checked on baby Kevin. Much to everyone's relief he was alive and unharmed. Dr. Gizaw then proceeded to have my bloodwork checked to see if my anti-seizure medications were low... Soon they discovered that they were VERY low! The doctor that I had been seeing never updated my medications or checked my levels after I became pregnant. He didn't feel the need to and I was so frustrated at him! However, Dr. Gizaw handled the situation very professionally. After the results came back he very promptly told me of his plan to help get my levels back up. I was to stay in the hospital and remain on bed rest until the levels were where they needed to be.

Over the next few days I felt like a lab-rat. The doctors and nurses would wake me up twice in the morning to draw blood and to give me a stronger dose of anti-seizure medications. My mom was a trooper and stayed at the hospital with me so I wouldn't be alone.

After my blood work showed that my results were normal the doctors wanted to discharge me and "let nature take its course", however, I was so afraid that my levels would drop once again and maybe next time it would be worse... Maybe if it happens again I would lose my son... I was so angry and upset that I started to cry... Then another doctor walked in and after seeing my despair said, "we could induce you if you would like? Sometimes it doesn't work, but we could try. Is that an option that you would be interested in?" I smiled and nodded. Then he told me they would proceed at ten o'clock that very night and that I was not able to eat after a certain hour. So my dad asked what I would like my "last meal" to be and I already knew the answer "Quiznos".

They induced me a few hours later after having ate my Quiznos sub. I started having contractions late/early morning. It was so uncomfortable that I could not sleep. My mother was still with me helping me through the pain by talking to me, telling stories, and sometimes she would sing... Lol

The nurses came in to check on me periodically and told me I could take some medication for the pain. At first I declined thinking I could do it naturally without medication but the nurse must have seen my discomfort and added, "you don't need to be superwoman," so then of course I accepted and she administered some medication. It kicked in shortly after and I was finally able to get a little bit of sleep. I had dreams about being at Disney with my aunt, my uncle, and cousin Katie. My cousin wanted to keep shopping at all the stores and as I was pregnant I didn't want to shop anymore. My mother said that I talked in my sleep and exclaimed, "I don't want to go shopping". Lol

Kevin Michael was born April 8, 2005, on my Granny's 73rd birthday at 15:29. He was two weeks early and weighed 8.12 pounds and was 20.9 inches long! My little miracle! I went through so much to get him here and am so happy that he is still a happy and healthy boy:)

There aren't enough words or time in the day to say how happy I am and how grateful I am to have him on my life. He is my miracle! Thank you, Lord, for sending him to ME :D

Happy Birthday Dear Kevin

So seven years ago a little boy was born. His mother was full of anticipation and excitement! When he finally made his way into the world she knew he would be her greatest miracle! She knew that her love for him would be unconditional and that his love for her would also be unconditional. Life's simplest pleasures!:) I love being his mother! I would not change a thing about it! Kevin has given me and helped me so much! He is my greatest joy! I would be lost without him! I can't believe my little man is seven years old?! Wow! How time flies!

He wanted a Sonic the Hedgehog birthday as we have been watching the old cartoons together and he loves the games! My mother-in-law is amazing as she made Kevin's cake from scratch!! How blessed Jim and I are to have Kevin. He brings so much joy into our lives and we love these moments when we get to be together as a family and watch Kevin reach his milestones.
After the birthday party at the park with family and friends we went back home and had family over once again for dinner. Kevin's favorite food since he could eat solid food has always been lasagna, must be the Italian in him. So being the great mother that I am, I made him his favorite dish. Then we built Legos together and watched two of his new movies.

Then Sunday was his birthday so I got one of his cupcakes out, put a candle in it, and sang Happy Birthday to my son. I love him with all my heart! How blessed I am to be his mother! I know he knows I love him and that I would do anything for his happiness! He is my greatest joy! He is my world! I love the little man that he is! He is so kind,compassionate, smart, and he loves everyone and everything. I hope that he will always be loving and compassionate. I hope he will always remember who he is and that he is loved by all who know him.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with my son. I pray that he outlives me and that I will get to witness the man that he becomes. I pray that these next seven years don't fly by too quickly. I enjoy my little man and the time that we get to spend together.

At his birthday party Kevin exclaimed, "I couldn't have asked for a better mommy or a better wife." To which I held him in my arms, planted a kiss on his cheek and said, "I couldn't have asked for a better son than you. I will always be your mom. Not your wife." Kevin frowned, "I wish I was the daddy." to which I replied, "Just hope or wish you marry someone like me." he smiled once again. I love you, Kevin. Always and forever. Thank you for being MY miracle! No one will EVER take you away from me!

Angela

This past week was someone's birthday who means a lot to me.  We may not be the best of friends or even talk on a regular basis but she is someone who I admire.  When I think of this person I think of her beautiful smile, her beautiful children, the many times she has made me laugh (and her kids too).  She is a very talented individual!  She can play the piano, was learning the organ, can play the flute, and the clarinet.  Not to mention she dances (tap, jazz, ballet, hip-hop)!  When she was a teenager she was the cheerleader captain for the high school!  Not only these things but she was a straight A student; she has a buisness degree and recently graduated with a teaching certificate.  She is now a teacher for an elementary school.

I am, of course, talking about my favorite sister; my only sister.  She is amazing at everything she sets her mind to!  She's also a good friend, sister, mother, teacher, daughter... and the list just goes on and on.  She has always been there for me and everyone/anyone who needed her;  Who wanted her shoulder to cry on or advice to get through a trial.  She also faces her trials head on and scares away her troubles with faith and laughter.  I have no doubt that when it gets too much she turns to her friends for comfort but for the most part she wears a brave face and a smile to fool those that don't know her better.

My sister is a single mother of two.  I can't imagine how stressful and chaotic that could be!  Just that alone!  But my sister works as a teacher and that in itself is another hard trial to tackle! She takes her children to dance, gymnastics, soccer, recitals, practices...  She is selfless to a fault!

If ever a woman deserved praise and to be admired, it's my sister.  She is head-strong and doesn't get depressed easily.  She doesn't let others abuse and use her either.  She knows who she is and never doubts her faith or her beliefs!  If you say something to upset her she tells you then and there to your face!  (A trait not many possess these days.)

She believes in God, she goes to church, she dresses modestly and has her children do the same.  She has morals and standards.  How blessed I am to know her and have her as my sister!  I only hope that I too can be like her as I know her daughter will be and in a way already is.

So to my sister, Angela, I love you!  I hope you know this above all else!  I know we don't always communicate well or get along but I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and I love you very much!  You are without a doubt my favorite sister!

I Love My Family

I love my mommy she is sweet and kind. I love my famly so much with joy. I like spending time with my mom and dad. We planted flowers yesterday. We have so much fun together.

~by: Kevin            

New Job and My Miracle

I've been meaning to write but have been insanely busy.  I started a new job and I LOVE it!  I feel this might be an answer to my prayers=)  I gave a two week notice to my other job and so my last day is this Friday.  I can't express how grateful and how much at peace I am with this decision!  This new job is closer to our house and is everything that I have been searching for!

Also, Spring Break was this week and we had such fun!  Kevin got to go to the zoo, the beach, and on Friday we went to Disney for the whole day!  I love these times when we get to spend time together as a family and start making memories with our children.

Kevin got to ride Rockin' Roller and Splash Mountain for the first time!  He was so excited and anxious at first but once he got on the ride he couldn't keep from laughing and as we were walking away he said, "Again, again, again, again!"

I can't believe how fast time flies!  I remember when he was around 3 and even 5 he did not enjoy riding new rides and would cry throughout the line.  However, he still is not fond of The Haunted Mansion.  I told him to rest his head on my lap.  I told him there's nothing to be afraid of because it's not real, but it's also okay to be afraid.  I told him when I was a kid I didn't like The Haunted Mansion either.  I used to ride it with my parents and would hide my face on my dad's lap.

I'm so thankful for my son.  I'm so thankful that God granted me with this miracle.  He is absolutely beautiful, handsome, smart, kind, thoughtful, and funny.  Everything that any other mother would envy and want in a son.  I truly believe that he was sent to save me.  Before him I was a very negative person.  Now Kevin is my heart and he is what motivates me to be a better/stronger person.

Hard to believe he's going to be seven in  a few weeks!  How fast time flies!  Once he was my little baby who I would sing and rock to sleep.  Now he's my little dude that I read to and every once in a while sing to to see him smile.  He has an amazing imagination just like his mommy :)

Kevin, I love you each and every day!  From the time I found out I was pregnant with you!  I knew I wanted you forever and was so anxious to meet you!  As I am epileptic, however, I was so worried about you and because of a mini-seizure I was induced.  Ten hours later I got to hold, hug, kiss, and see you for the first time.



There are no words to describe how much I love you and how much I appreciate you.  You are the driving force behind your mommy that keeps her going!  Your smile and kind words brighten up all my dark days.  Kevin, your mommy loves you for now and for always! 

I hope I get to witness your growth as you become a young adult and into a man.  I hope I also get to see you marry a sweet girl who treats you with respect and love.  I hope she encourages you to become a better man for she sees your potential.  I hope she treats you with love and respect as she sees how blessed she is to have you as a husband.  I hope you both have children and that you might raise them to know God and His plans for us while we're here on Earth.

Kevin, I hope you know how much your mommy loves you!  For you are her miracle!  I love you with every fiber of my being!  Seeing and witnessing you grow is an amazing experience!  I wouldn't change it for the world! And I wouldn't change anything about you!  You are perfect just the way you are!  I love you, Kevinator!  May we have many more memories together and more holidays to share!

Lotus flowers

So I got a new tattoo.  I didn't do the sankofa like I originally thought about.  Instead I got lotus flowers on my forearm.  At first I wasn't sure where I was going to put it but then I thought about it...

I have ugly scars on my forearm from when I was a teenager.  I was a self-mutilator, a cutter.  At first it didn't bother me.  They had become a part of me and those hard knocks helped shape me into the individual that I am today.

Recently I've been looking at them with regret and I pity the girl that I used to be.  For she felt alone and like no one understood her.  There were many days that she would come home from high school, turn on the radio, and cry.  Wishing to be anywhere and anyone else.  She was always seeking change.  Always praying for a miracle.

Then she grew up and saw the potential she had to create a positive change for herself.  However, others would always try and stomp this optimistic/naive girl down.  When push comes to shove though she always stood her ground.

So I decided I needed to show this to the world.  I'm no longer a scared little girl but a confident woman.  The lotus flower grows in the mud, in darkness, and blooms to beautiful flowers above the water's surface;  and that symbolizes me as well.  For I have come from a dark past but now I have something beautiful to show.  I have a red lotus symbolizing an open heart; and a blue lotus symbolizing wisdom.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see and grow from my mistakes.  Thank you for those trials that made me the tough, confident woman I am today :)