My emotions during this time were like the weather... One minute I would be happy and sunny then suddenly I would be screaming, and finally I would be crying... I felt so emotionally unstable. I began to talk to my husband and my friends and they would offer an ear and words of understanding and encouragement but I still felt like a crazy person. Then one day before I took Kevin to school I took a pregnancy test... I didn't tell anyone beforehand because I knew it was going to be negative... So when I saw the two lines I was astonished and couldn't believe it... I began talking to my friends and my hubby... Sending them pictures... Just absolutely astonished... Then I went to my OB along with my husband and they confirmed it. I was 7 weeks pregnant. We could see the little heart beating and I squeezed Jim's hand. I looked up and could see that he was teary eyed. What a perfect anniversary/birthday present <3 I, of course, told Kevin and his response was "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I just want us to get along better than Kalib and Hayley". I laughed and replied, "You're going to be 8 years a part! I don't see why you wouldn't get along! If anything you'll have a little shadow following you around."
Monday I will be 14 weeks. This pregnancy is already different than Kevin's. With Kevin I was always sick and vomiting now I'm just always nauseous, but I hope as I am approaching my second trimester that things will calm down. Now looking back my friends, Jim, and I all laugh as we think about how overly emotional I was a few months ago... It should have been a sign for us that I was pregnant but August was a bad month for all three of us... Jim wrecked his work vehicle, Kevin got a deep wound on his chin, and I had broken my ankle. Luckily no one was injured in Jim's wreck and he wasn't placed on suspension, Kevin's cut we were able to fix using butterfly-tape (no visit to the ER), and we think if I hadn't broken my ankle then I would've kept kickboxing and maybe I would've been seriously injured and lost the baby. Everything happens for a reason. We don't always understand why but everything works out for the best in the end.
I am also back in school. Pursuing my AA degree. If all goes well I will have it in the Spring of 2013. I like to think that I have accomplished my goals so far... I have let go of the past, I forgave those that needed it, and every day I am finding closure for my past as well. Time doesn't heal all pain... It's what you choose to keep and let go of that helps you get over past trials. I feel as if I have found the right career for me. I still don't know where in the field I will go but I have a pretty good idea. I feel as if I am heading in the right direction. I cannot express the joy, the contentment that I feel about my life and those around me. Again I feel so blessed! And I know I am blessed! So as 2012 comes to a close I remain anxious and excited to see what 2013 holds in store for my family and I! Jim and I have anticipated this day for so long and now that it's here I can't help but be grateful and scared... I worry that at any moment I will wake up from this dream... I suppose that's normal. I can't wait to meet our little bundle in 2013! <3