Friday, October 26, 2012

A Year of Change

This has definitely been a year of change!  In May I decided to sign up for Kickboxing and had Kevin taking Karate.  I for one LOVED it!  Every day we did a new workout routine and more muscles would ache...  But as I would workout I'd think "this is my kind of people".  We would run around the gym, we would punch the punching bags, or kick them.  It was so much fun!  Every day I would look forward to returning and starting the process all over again.  However, in August I broke my ankle...  It was a new kind of pain...  It didn't throb like sprains... Instead it would feel like burning pain or sometimes it would get cold and feel numb...  I hated it!  I was to rely on crutches until I saw the orthopedic...  I had to drive to get Kevin to and from school, my ankle was in constant pain so that I could not sleep at night, and I quickly found out that new muscles began to hurt from using crutches.  When I saw the orthopedic he stated that it was a hair-line fracture, "the best break to have".  I didn't need a cast, he prescribed me a boot.  I got in touch with a friend of mine who is a Physical Therapist and she told me the things I had to do to get my ROM back in my ankle and how to slowly ween away from the crutches.  So every day I would grit my teeth through the pain and walk with a crutch for 10 minutes.  Eventually I was able to lose the crutch completely and just walk in the boot.

My emotions during this time were like the weather...  One minute I would be happy and sunny then suddenly I would be screaming, and finally I would be crying...  I felt so emotionally unstable.  I began to talk to my husband and my friends and they would offer an ear and words of understanding and encouragement but I still felt like a crazy person.  Then one day before I took Kevin to school I took a pregnancy test...  I didn't tell anyone beforehand because I knew it was going to be negative...  So when I saw the two lines I was astonished and couldn't believe it...  I began talking to my friends and my hubby...  Sending them pictures...  Just absolutely astonished...  Then I went to my OB along with my husband and they confirmed it.  I was 7 weeks pregnant.  We could see the little heart beating and I squeezed Jim's hand.  I looked up and could see that he was teary eyed.  What a perfect anniversary/birthday present <3  I, of course, told Kevin and his response was "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.  I just want us to get along better than Kalib and Hayley".  I laughed and replied, "You're going to be 8 years a part!  I don't see why you wouldn't get along!  If anything you'll have a little shadow following you around."

Monday I will be 14 weeks.  This pregnancy is already different than Kevin's.  With Kevin I was always sick and vomiting now I'm just always nauseous, but I hope as I am approaching my second trimester that things will calm down.  Now looking back my friends, Jim, and I all laugh as we think about how overly emotional I was a few months ago...  It should have been a sign for us that I was pregnant but August was a bad month for all three of us...  Jim wrecked his work vehicle, Kevin got a deep wound on his chin, and I had broken my ankle.  Luckily no one was injured in Jim's wreck and he wasn't placed on suspension, Kevin's cut we were able to fix using butterfly-tape (no visit to the ER), and we think if I hadn't broken my ankle then I would've kept kickboxing and maybe I would've been seriously injured and lost the baby.  Everything happens for a reason.  We don't always understand why but everything works out for the best in the end.

I am also back in school.  Pursuing my AA degree.  If all goes well I will have it in the Spring of 2013.  I like to think that I have accomplished my goals so far...  I have let go of the past, I forgave those that needed it, and every day I am finding closure for my past as well.  Time doesn't heal all pain...  It's what you choose to keep and let go of that helps you get over past trials.  I feel as if I have found the right career for me.  I still don't know where in the field I will go but I have a pretty good idea.  I feel as if I am heading in the right direction.  I cannot express the joy, the contentment that I feel about my life and those around me.  Again I feel so blessed!  And I know I am blessed!  So as 2012 comes to a close I remain anxious and excited to see what 2013 holds in store for my family and I!  Jim and I have anticipated this day for so long and now that it's here I can't help but be grateful and scared...  I worry that at any moment I will wake up from this dream...  I suppose that's normal.  I can't wait to meet our little bundle in 2013! <3