Monday, January 30, 2012

Going Through Some Changes

I am really in need of a change.  I love my hubby to death and find that I really admire him.  Last week I met him for lunch at his job site.  Afterward he showed me what he does on a day to day basis: disconnecting fire alarms and things so that none of them goes off as he checks to make sure that everything is working properly.  He has several tools around his waist that all help him with his job and maintaining what he has to do.  I gotta say I cannot express the pride that I felt as I watched him work and the expression that was on his face while he worked.  I know that he loves his job; the expression on his face while he worked really made that more evident.  I know that his job sometimes stresses him out but he does LOVE what he does!  And how awesome is that?!

I really wish that I could find a job that I was really into as well; heart and soul.  I've been pondering about it a lot lately.  The job that I have now is part time so it would be perfect for me to go back to school right now...  There's just one problem...  I don't know what I want to study.  I must say that Massage Therapy is pretty amazing.  I love the patients that I see and get to work on but still I long for something that I would love...  I want it to coexist with what I do now.  So I'm thinking just maybe going back to school for Occupational Therapy or to be an Athletic Trainer...  I think I would love either one...  I'm gonna have to check out the class schedule and when I can start...

I also found another tattoo that I would love to have...  I know a lot of people don't like them but they mean something to me.  The one that I found is an African symbol called sankofa.  Sankofa is an Akan word that means san - to return; ko - to go; fa - to look, to seek and take.  It symbolizes a person taking from the past what is good and bringing it into the present in order to make a positive impact for the future, which is something that I believe strongly about.

I know that I have made a lot of mistakes in my past and that a lot has happened to me, but I always believed it to be for a reason.  Even if the reason is that it turned me into who I am today.  I should be grateful for the many hard trials placed before me because it just toughened me up for my future.  I'm not proud that I went through a divorce but it made me more grateful for the husband I have now.  It really makes me appreciate him and the hard work that he does for my son and I.

I know there's still a lot of struggles for me in the future as I try and conquer all my fears, but at least I know my goals and knowing is half the battle.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

2012's Resolutions

So this is my goal for this year: to better myself by finally letting go of my past, and to forgive others who have trespassed me in the past.  This year I just want to be happy.  I know a lot of it is my fault for dwelling on the past...  Wishing I could change things that have happened; more so wishing that old conflicts were resolved....  But it's time to stop the wishful thinking and to embrace the past.  I know that I have had a lot of bad things happen to me but I need to stop letting my past consume me.

So far this year has been decent...  We're in the first month so I can't trash it too much.  So far my hubby and my son are doing wonderfully.  Kevin remains growing like a weed, Jim is flourishing in the company that he works for.  He has his two year review next week and they have already promised him a raise *fingers crossed that it's at least $2 more than what he makes now*.  And now my cousin Masayori has recently moved in with us.  At first my parents weren't sure that it would work out, but Masayori has been one of my best friends since I can remember.  I don't see him very much because we have conflicting work schedules but so far he brings joy to our household.

Kevin is recently involved in dance and gymnastics; once spring rolls around Kevin might be enrolled in soccer again.  I say might because it will depend on our money situation.  Right now Kevin's dance class is getting ready to perform for a dance recital June 23rd.  He loves his activities and excels in both of them!  He's my talented little dude!

So back to me...  I dyed my hair red and black, my two favorite colors.  I have decided that it's time for a change and I love the way it turned out.  Dying it these two colors have always been a dream of mine so this year I did it.  Then I found my other resolution to accomplish all that I want to before I'm 30!  And then my last new years resolution is to attend church every Sunday.  So far our little family has done just that. 

I mean what I say and I say what I mean.  I want Kevin to have what I had growing up and possibly more.  I want him to be raised in the church just as I have.  I made good friends in the church and while other teenagers partied and drank I did not engage in those activities.  Today's youth seem so misguided and I don't want that for Kevin.  I want him to know of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, and I want him to have a testimony.  I want him to be baptized when he is 8 years old and attend Seminary when he's in high school just like I have done.

So welcome the new year with a smile.  Make most of this year.  Let go of the past, forgive the haters, and attend church every Sunday: these are my goals.  I pray for patience and tolerance, Dear Lord as I conquer all my fears.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Faith Unwavering

So the Lord does not bestow upon us anything that we cannot handle...  I have been reflecting upon this all week.  In our moments of weakness we often find strength beyond our own...  Sometimes the Lord gives us something to help make our trials more bearable as well.  I have found these things to be true...

Jim and I have had a great trial placed before us and on our way to church last Sunday I kept thinking, "The Lord places no obstacle before us that we cannot conquer," it was as if it was on repeat in my mind.  I felt the Spirit advising me to share this with my husband, however, I couldn't find the words and so I prayed for help.

The Lord answered my prayer as the missionaries came over after church.  We watched the video "Only a Stonecutter", which is an amazing film about John Rowe Moyle.  He was a stonecutter who walked twenty-two miles from Alpine to Salt Lake City, Utah where he worked on the temple.  When he was at home he would help with the chores on the farm and one of the chores included milking the cow.  One day while he was milking the cow the cow kicked John's leg so hard that he got a compound fracture.  The doctors thought it best to amputate his leg below the knee.  Many people would have gave up his task at this point, but John Rowe Moyle made himself a prosthetic leg out of wood with an articulating ankle.  Then he continued the twenty-two mile walk from Alpine to the Salt Lake City temple. What an amazing testimony he must have had!  I can only imagine the pain that he endured while he walked those 22 miles each week!

So at the end of the video the missionaries asked, "What did you gather from that video?"  To which I replied, "He had amazing faith and love for the Lord!"  Following that Kevin read a verse from 1 Nephi 3:7 "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I know that God always answers our prayers whether they're what we want to hear or not but Sunday night I was just in awe.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for your patience and allowing the missionaries come to our home and help Jim and I understand more about faith, trials, and enduring to the end.  I pray that we will always remember this lesson and remain faithful til the end.  Thank you <3

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My boys

So I have had a lot on my mind, obviously...  Haven't decided if I like this thing yet or not. I'm still figuring it out.

I want to talk about my boys.  They're both so wonderful and so I dedicate this blog to them.  My hubby is one of a kind.  He is the kind of man that always thinks of others and although you wouldn't guess it he really is quite shy.  He comes from an amazing family and I love them all to death!  Although they've never been to church they believe in a higher power...  Jim used to say "There's gotta be someone responsible for this mess".  He also used to say that if it can't be proven by science than he wouldn't believe it...  However, the Lord had different plans for him.  We started having the missionaries over and one night they asked him, "Do you feel anything?" to which Jim said, "A warm, fuzzy, glowing feeling."  That got a laugh out of all of us.  The weeks passed by and the missionaries continually came over.  I wasn't sure if they were making any head way until I heard Jim say "When I'm a Sunday school teacher I'm gonna be a fun one."  I can only imagine the look on my face as the love of my life exclaimed that he wanted to be a member of the church.  The missionaries must have felt that he was ready too because the next time they came to visit they asked Jim what he thought about baptism and becoming a member...  I was so happy and excited I called up everyone on my side of the family to tell them the happy news.  We asked my dad to baptize him and of course, he was very much obliged.

Jim rescued me at a time in my life when I didn't know down from up.  I was in the pit of despair living with my brother and his family...  I was going to school and going through a painful divorce with a three year old on top of it all.  There were days where I wanted to crawl inside a shell and never come out.  Then Jim would take my hand and say "Heather, it's okay I am here.  You don't have to be strong."  He still wakes me up in the morning with kisses as he says "You're so beautiful."  He and Kevin is what saved me from the darkness.

My boy has forever been and will continuously be my miracle.  When I was younger I was diagnosed with epilepsy so I began to read about the drugs that I was putting into my body.  Depakote and Dilatin are dangerous to take when you're pregnant.  Birth defects are one of the many side effects of these drugs; and while I was reading more about anti seizure medications I saw that not only were birth defects an issue, but some of the other medications actually affected your chances of becoming pregnant.  I know some might think that a 17 year old or an 18 year old is a little young to be thinking about something like this; and it's not like I had a boyfriend at the time, or was trying; but after spending all day with my niece I would think about how much I would love to be a mom and have a child of my own...

But I can testify that God works in mysterious ways.  He blessed me with a child when I was 20 years old.  Before having my son I couldn't imagine my life with him but now I can't imagine my life without him.  He's the reason I push myself so hard.  I want him to have everything that I had growing up and more.  I want him to know that he is loved and I hope he will or is proud of his mommy.

He is such a smart little guy as well.  I bought him pre-k books when he was three and every day we would do a couple of pages or so.  He could recognize letters and spell before he was four!  What an amazing boy I have!  When he was three years old he told his very first joke!  I was teaching him how to say his last name, breaking it down for him "Ma-too-zick" and he looked at me with a big goofy grin as he said "Ma-three-zick"!  I couldn't keep from laughing which in turn made Kevin laugh and it was an endless cycle.

Not only is he smart and funny but he is also very caring.  He has seen me cry more than I would like to admit and he has always crawled over to me or walked over and put an arm around me and would say "Don't cry, mommy, it's okay" or he would say "I'm sorry, mommy, that you hurt."  His first day of Pre-K he hugged me and said "Is your heart going to miss me, mommy?  My heart's going to miss you."  And the list goes on and on of his sayings that have pulled on my heart strings that brings a smile to my heart but a tear to my eye.

So ladies don't say that "there aren't any good men out there" because there are.  They are rare but they are out there.  My husband (and my dad)  is proof of that.  Now granted neither of them are perfect but they are pretty darn close.  I love my hubby each and every day.  Every day I hear a song that reminds me of him and how blessed I am to have him in my life.  He is the first person I see when I wake up in the morning and the last person I see before I go to bed.

Kevin is my miracle and he knows it.  I write many poems for him as well and he loves going through my notebooks and reading them before asking, "Mommy, is this one about me?"  And the smile he gets when I say it is is priceless.  Hearing him say his prayers before bed is priceless and then he says "Mom, I love you,"  to which I reply "I love you more."  Then Kevin follows it with, "I love you to Jesus Christ and back, Mommy."  I know that my boys each love me very much because actions speak louder than words and both of my boys spoil me with love and affection.

God, I don't know what I did to deserve such amazing blessings as my boys but I hope I am always worthy of them.  I love them very much just as you knew I would.  I didn't used to believe in soul mates but my hubby has me singing a different tune.  I love you, Jim Dear, now and forever.  Kevinator, I love you to infinity and beyond.  My boys, I would be lost without you <3

Monday, January 16, 2012

My Creative Outlet

I am trying this out as I love to write.  Maybe this can be my creative outlet.

I am a Massage Therapist for the moment until I figure out what I want to go back to school for.  I hear a lot of input from my patients and I listen to all of them, however, for those that do not know me my son comes first.  Spending time with him is the highlight of my day so that pretty much rules out anything that is going to be time consuming.

Also I love my career but if I decide to do something else in the health field I don't think I will wander too far from Massage Therapy.  I love what I do.  It's really useful and I love helping people and seeing the immediate benefit of massage.  However, I must admit that I have another passion.  Animals.  Animals have always been one of my biggest passions since I was in Elementary School.  I was one of the nerds checking out every book on animals that I could find.  I would then take them home and start my very own binder.  Documenting pictures, the animal's habitats, what they ate, who their predators were, and what made them different amongst the other animals of its kind.

My other passion I would discover years later.  When I was a child I never dreamed of becoming a mother.  Whenever my friends and I would play house I was always one of the children.  However, the older I got and the more mature I got I realized that I indeed wanted to be a mother.  I think I was 17 years old when I realized this dream.  I became an aunt that year to my niece and she was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen.  I would come home from high school and babysit her for my sister until she or her husband got home.  I remember sometimes I would have the most hectic/awful day at high school but all that would disappear when I would walk into my sister's house and hold my niece in my arms.

As God would have it I welcomed my miracle into the world when I was 20 years old.  He is the most amazing, wonderful thing in my life.  I would truly be lost without him.  Watching him grow, witnessing him learning and hearing/seeing his first prayer, his first word, his first everything has been amazing...  And with that I found my other passion.  Children.  I love children.  I think if I were to go back to school it would be to be a pediatrician or maybe a counselor for young children.  However, if I go for animals I would study about zoology, veterinarian, or maybe even being a foster parent for wild animals...  But at the same time I wonder about being a foster parent for children....  Maybe being a writer...  The skies the limit, right?  So this is my goal this year...  To find my calling in the world.  With God's aid I know I can find it.  Let's pray that I'm listening for His voice, however.  I know that He will point me in the direction I need to go.  I just need to hold to my faith.