Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

     Merry Christmas to all!  Kevin, Jim, and I watch another year come to a close.  What an exciting year it was!  I finished my classes, it was quite challenging being pregnant and all but I'm glad I did it!  I remember being pregnant with Kevin and I dropped out of school because I was so sick, however, I was determined to stick with it and my stubbornness paid off!  I have four more classes to take in the Spring and then I'll get my AA degree.  So exciting!  The only thing is is that the baby will be due about the time I finish so I just hope everything works out but "where there's a will there's a way".  I really believe in that so I have faith that everything will work out for the three, scratch that, the four of us!

     Kevin is growing like a weed!  He's around 4'5 and 64 pounds!  He likes to play video games, being outside, Pokemon, sonic, and Disney!  He's doing really well in school as he gets straight A's.  His favorite subject at the moment is Science.  He loves doing experiments in his class and even does some at home!  He is very excited about having a younger sibling!  He has been helping me decorate and go through things to prepare for our new arrival.  Better yet he reads to the baby every night so that the baby will know his voice.  I don't know how I got so blessed but I pray that I will always be worthy of my little ones!  Who knew you could love someone so much?!

     Jim is working ALL the time!  Picking up shifts to ensure that we have enough money to support an extra mouth to feed.  He is excited to meet his first born, of course!  His parents and siblings are supportive of us as well and were joyous when we told them the news!  Jim is their oldest and their youngest grandchild just turned 5 so they're eager to have a new baby in the family as well.  I have no doubt about Jim being a great father to a newborn.  I watch him play with Kevin, with our nieces, and nephews and I just know he'll be wonderful!  And I know I don't have to worry about Kevin either.  Every day when I pick up Kevin from school he hugs me and asks how my day was and then he asks about the baby as he hugs my belly.

     Christmas is all about family and friends and I am so grateful for mine!  I'm thankful for the memories that we get to create together as a family!  I'm so excited to meet our little one and watch him grow just as I have Kevin!  I know Kevin will be an amazing big brother and Jim will be an awesome dad, he is already to Kevin.  Jim and I are so much alike when it comes to parenting.  Our children are put first as we make a life for them and do everything that we can that they may have a good life.  That they remain happy, healthy, and know that they are loved.  Kevin said "I know the baby will feel like I feel.  I want Jim to stay at home with me and play but I know he has to go to work so we have money.  But the baby will want Jim to stay at home and play with him or her all day, just as I do."  Kevin understands that to have a family you have to work hard.  I'm glad that he sees this.  I pray that he will find a job that he loves just as Jim has done and I pray that he will be a hard worker like Jim.

     So again Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all from our family to yours :)

Friday, October 26, 2012

A Year of Change

This has definitely been a year of change!  In May I decided to sign up for Kickboxing and had Kevin taking Karate.  I for one LOVED it!  Every day we did a new workout routine and more muscles would ache...  But as I would workout I'd think "this is my kind of people".  We would run around the gym, we would punch the punching bags, or kick them.  It was so much fun!  Every day I would look forward to returning and starting the process all over again.  However, in August I broke my ankle...  It was a new kind of pain...  It didn't throb like sprains... Instead it would feel like burning pain or sometimes it would get cold and feel numb...  I hated it!  I was to rely on crutches until I saw the orthopedic...  I had to drive to get Kevin to and from school, my ankle was in constant pain so that I could not sleep at night, and I quickly found out that new muscles began to hurt from using crutches.  When I saw the orthopedic he stated that it was a hair-line fracture, "the best break to have".  I didn't need a cast, he prescribed me a boot.  I got in touch with a friend of mine who is a Physical Therapist and she told me the things I had to do to get my ROM back in my ankle and how to slowly ween away from the crutches.  So every day I would grit my teeth through the pain and walk with a crutch for 10 minutes.  Eventually I was able to lose the crutch completely and just walk in the boot.

My emotions during this time were like the weather...  One minute I would be happy and sunny then suddenly I would be screaming, and finally I would be crying...  I felt so emotionally unstable.  I began to talk to my husband and my friends and they would offer an ear and words of understanding and encouragement but I still felt like a crazy person.  Then one day before I took Kevin to school I took a pregnancy test...  I didn't tell anyone beforehand because I knew it was going to be negative...  So when I saw the two lines I was astonished and couldn't believe it...  I began talking to my friends and my hubby...  Sending them pictures...  Just absolutely astonished...  Then I went to my OB along with my husband and they confirmed it.  I was 7 weeks pregnant.  We could see the little heart beating and I squeezed Jim's hand.  I looked up and could see that he was teary eyed.  What a perfect anniversary/birthday present <3  I, of course, told Kevin and his response was "I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.  I just want us to get along better than Kalib and Hayley".  I laughed and replied, "You're going to be 8 years a part!  I don't see why you wouldn't get along!  If anything you'll have a little shadow following you around."

Monday I will be 14 weeks.  This pregnancy is already different than Kevin's.  With Kevin I was always sick and vomiting now I'm just always nauseous, but I hope as I am approaching my second trimester that things will calm down.  Now looking back my friends, Jim, and I all laugh as we think about how overly emotional I was a few months ago...  It should have been a sign for us that I was pregnant but August was a bad month for all three of us...  Jim wrecked his work vehicle, Kevin got a deep wound on his chin, and I had broken my ankle.  Luckily no one was injured in Jim's wreck and he wasn't placed on suspension, Kevin's cut we were able to fix using butterfly-tape (no visit to the ER), and we think if I hadn't broken my ankle then I would've kept kickboxing and maybe I would've been seriously injured and lost the baby.  Everything happens for a reason.  We don't always understand why but everything works out for the best in the end.

I am also back in school.  Pursuing my AA degree.  If all goes well I will have it in the Spring of 2013.  I like to think that I have accomplished my goals so far...  I have let go of the past, I forgave those that needed it, and every day I am finding closure for my past as well.  Time doesn't heal all pain...  It's what you choose to keep and let go of that helps you get over past trials.  I feel as if I have found the right career for me.  I still don't know where in the field I will go but I have a pretty good idea.  I feel as if I am heading in the right direction.  I cannot express the joy, the contentment that I feel about my life and those around me.  Again I feel so blessed!  And I know I am blessed!  So as 2012 comes to a close I remain anxious and excited to see what 2013 holds in store for my family and I!  Jim and I have anticipated this day for so long and now that it's here I can't help but be grateful and scared...  I worry that at any moment I will wake up from this dream...  I suppose that's normal.  I can't wait to meet our little bundle in 2013! <3

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

April 2005

So about seven years ago when I discovered that I was vomiting and having "growing pains" because I was in the first trimester of pregnancy, not because it was Appendicitis, this was the day the doctors gave me as my due date for my little Kevin. They said April 20, 2005. But much to my surprise and delight he came earlier.

It was not like any other childbirth, however. I remember laying in my parents recliner watching television with my sister-in-law complaining of a headache... Then I blacked out and could feel my legs shake as I had a tremor aka a small seizure. I immediately went into panic mode as I feared for my little baby. I knew that legs tremors were always a warning that a grandmal seizure is coming... I called out to my parents and they helped me off the recliner and into my sisters car. They rushed me to the ER and my mom called before hand to tell them what had happened.

Once at the hospital there were nurses there waiting for me with a wheelchair and they wheeled me into a room. Dr. Gizaw, a Neurologist, came into the room shortly after. There was a lot of commotion as the nurses got me out of the bed so they could wheel me upstairs to have an ultrasound to make sure baby Kevin was okay. However, Dr. Gizaw put a stop to this. He said I was not to leave the room, had the nurses help me back into bed, and stated to everyone that the ultrasound would be brought to me. Oh, I was so happy and relieved that I could have hugged and kissed the doctor!

The nurses brought the ultrasound machine to me and checked on baby Kevin. Much to everyone's relief he was alive and unharmed. Dr. Gizaw then proceeded to have my bloodwork checked to see if my anti-seizure medications were low... Soon they discovered that they were VERY low! The doctor that I had been seeing never updated my medications or checked my levels after I became pregnant. He didn't feel the need to and I was so frustrated at him! However, Dr. Gizaw handled the situation very professionally. After the results came back he very promptly told me of his plan to help get my levels back up. I was to stay in the hospital and remain on bed rest until the levels were where they needed to be.

Over the next few days I felt like a lab-rat. The doctors and nurses would wake me up twice in the morning to draw blood and to give me a stronger dose of anti-seizure medications. My mom was a trooper and stayed at the hospital with me so I wouldn't be alone.

After my blood work showed that my results were normal the doctors wanted to discharge me and "let nature take its course", however, I was so afraid that my levels would drop once again and maybe next time it would be worse... Maybe if it happens again I would lose my son... I was so angry and upset that I started to cry... Then another doctor walked in and after seeing my despair said, "we could induce you if you would like? Sometimes it doesn't work, but we could try. Is that an option that you would be interested in?" I smiled and nodded. Then he told me they would proceed at ten o'clock that very night and that I was not able to eat after a certain hour. So my dad asked what I would like my "last meal" to be and I already knew the answer "Quiznos".

They induced me a few hours later after having ate my Quiznos sub. I started having contractions late/early morning. It was so uncomfortable that I could not sleep. My mother was still with me helping me through the pain by talking to me, telling stories, and sometimes she would sing... Lol

The nurses came in to check on me periodically and told me I could take some medication for the pain. At first I declined thinking I could do it naturally without medication but the nurse must have seen my discomfort and added, "you don't need to be superwoman," so then of course I accepted and she administered some medication. It kicked in shortly after and I was finally able to get a little bit of sleep. I had dreams about being at Disney with my aunt, my uncle, and cousin Katie. My cousin wanted to keep shopping at all the stores and as I was pregnant I didn't want to shop anymore. My mother said that I talked in my sleep and exclaimed, "I don't want to go shopping". Lol

Kevin Michael was born April 8, 2005, on my Granny's 73rd birthday at 15:29. He was two weeks early and weighed 8.12 pounds and was 20.9 inches long! My little miracle! I went through so much to get him here and am so happy that he is still a happy and healthy boy:)

There aren't enough words or time in the day to say how happy I am and how grateful I am to have him on my life. He is my miracle! Thank you, Lord, for sending him to ME :D

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Happy Birthday Dear Kevin

So seven years ago a little boy was born. His mother was full of anticipation and excitement! When he finally made his way into the world she knew he would be her greatest miracle! She knew that her love for him would be unconditional and that his love for her would also be unconditional. Life's simplest pleasures!:) I love being his mother! I would not change a thing about it! Kevin has given me and helped me so much! He is my greatest joy! I would be lost without him! I can't believe my little man is seven years old?! Wow! How time flies!

He wanted a Sonic the Hedgehog birthday as we have been watching the old cartoons together and he loves the games! My mother-in-law is amazing as she made Kevin's cake from scratch!! How blessed Jim and I are to have Kevin. He brings so much joy into our lives and we love these moments when we get to be together as a family and watch Kevin reach his milestones.
After the birthday party at the park with family and friends we went back home and had family over once again for dinner. Kevin's favorite food since he could eat solid food has always been lasagna, must be the Italian in him. So being the great mother that I am, I made him his favorite dish. Then we built Legos together and watched two of his new movies.
Then Sunday was his birthday so I got one of his cupcakes out, put a candle in it, and sang Happy Birthday to my son. I love him with all my heart! How blessed I am to be his mother! I know he knows I love him and that I would do anything for his happiness! He is my greatest joy! He is my world! I love the little man that he is! He is so kind,compassionate, smart, and he loves everyone and everything. I hope that he will always be loving and compassionate. I hope he will always remember who he is and that he is loved by all who know him.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with my son. I pray that he outlives me and that I will get to witness the man that he becomes. I pray that these next seven years don't fly by too quickly. I enjoy my little man and the time that we get to spend together.

At his birthday party Kevin exclaimed, "I couldn't have asked for a better mommy or a better wife." To which I held him in my arms, planted a kiss on his cheek and said, "I couldn't have asked for a better son than you. I will always be your mom. Not your wife." Kevin frowned, "I wish I was the daddy." to which I replied, "Just hope or wish you marry someone like me." he smiled once again. I love you, Kevin. Always and forever. Thank you for being MY miracle! No one will EVER take you away from me!

Sunday, March 25, 2012


This past week was someone's birthday who means a lot to me.  We may not be the best of friends or even talk on a regular basis but she is someone who I admire.  When I think of this person I think of her beautiful smile, her beautiful children, the many times she has made me laugh (and her kids too).  She is a very talented individual!  She can play the piano, was learning the organ, can play the flute, and the clarinet.  Not to mention she dances (tap, jazz, ballet, hip-hop)!  When she was a teenager she was the cheerleader captain for the high school!  Not only these things but she was a straight A student; she has a buisness degree and recently graduated with a teaching certificate.  She is now a teacher for an elementary school.

I am, of course, talking about my favorite sister; my only sister.  She is amazing at everything she sets her mind to!  She's also a good friend, sister, mother, teacher, daughter... and the list just goes on and on.  She has always been there for me and everyone/anyone who needed her;  Who wanted her shoulder to cry on or advice to get through a trial.  She also faces her trials head on and scares away her troubles with faith and laughter.  I have no doubt that when it gets too much she turns to her friends for comfort but for the most part she wears a brave face and a smile to fool those that don't know her better.

My sister is a single mother of two.  I can't imagine how stressful and chaotic that could be!  Just that alone!  But my sister works as a teacher and that in itself is another hard trial to tackle! She takes her children to dance, gymnastics, soccer, recitals, practices...  She is selfless to a fault!

If ever a woman deserved praise and to be admired, it's my sister.  She is head-strong and doesn't get depressed easily.  She doesn't let others abuse and use her either.  She knows who she is and never doubts her faith or her beliefs!  If you say something to upset her she tells you then and there to your face!  (A trait not many possess these days.)

She believes in God, she goes to church, she dresses modestly and has her children do the same.  She has morals and standards.  How blessed I am to know her and have her as my sister!  I only hope that I too can be like her as I know her daughter will be and in a way already is.

So to my sister, Angela, I love you!  I hope you know this above all else!  I know we don't always communicate well or get along but I have nothing but the utmost respect for you and I love you very much!  You are without a doubt my favorite sister!

I Love My Family

I love my mommy she is sweet and kind. I love my famly so much with joy. I like spending time with my mom and dad. We planted flowers yesterday. We have so much fun together.

~by: Kevin            

New Job and My Miracle

I've been meaning to write but have been insanely busy.  I started a new job and I LOVE it!  I feel this might be an answer to my prayers=)  I gave a two week notice to my other job and so my last day is this Friday.  I can't express how grateful and how much at peace I am with this decision!  This new job is closer to our house and is everything that I have been searching for!

Also, Spring Break was this week and we had such fun!  Kevin got to go to the zoo, the beach, and on Friday we went to Disney for the whole day!  I love these times when we get to spend time together as a family and start making memories with our children.

Kevin got to ride Rockin' Roller and Splash Mountain for the first time!  He was so excited and anxious at first but once he got on the ride he couldn't keep from laughing and as we were walking away he said, "Again, again, again, again!"

I can't believe how fast time flies!  I remember when he was around 3 and even 5 he did not enjoy riding new rides and would cry throughout the line.  However, he still is not fond of The Haunted Mansion.  I told him to rest his head on my lap.  I told him there's nothing to be afraid of because it's not real, but it's also okay to be afraid.  I told him when I was a kid I didn't like The Haunted Mansion either.  I used to ride it with my parents and would hide my face on my dad's lap.

I'm so thankful for my son.  I'm so thankful that God granted me with this miracle.  He is absolutely beautiful, handsome, smart, kind, thoughtful, and funny.  Everything that any other mother would envy and want in a son.  I truly believe that he was sent to save me.  Before him I was a very negative person.  Now Kevin is my heart and he is what motivates me to be a better/stronger person.

Hard to believe he's going to be seven in  a few weeks!  How fast time flies!  Once he was my little baby who I would sing and rock to sleep.  Now he's my little dude that I read to and every once in a while sing to to see him smile.  He has an amazing imagination just like his mommy :)

Kevin, I love you each and every day!  From the time I found out I was pregnant with you!  I knew I wanted you forever and was so anxious to meet you!  As I am epileptic, however, I was so worried about you and because of a mini-seizure I was induced.  Ten hours later I got to hold, hug, kiss, and see you for the first time.

There are no words to describe how much I love you and how much I appreciate you.  You are the driving force behind your mommy that keeps her going!  Your smile and kind words brighten up all my dark days.  Kevin, your mommy loves you for now and for always! 

I hope I get to witness your growth as you become a young adult and into a man.  I hope I also get to see you marry a sweet girl who treats you with respect and love.  I hope she encourages you to become a better man for she sees your potential.  I hope she treats you with love and respect as she sees how blessed she is to have you as a husband.  I hope you both have children and that you might raise them to know God and His plans for us while we're here on Earth.

Kevin, I hope you know how much your mommy loves you!  For you are her miracle!  I love you with every fiber of my being!  Seeing and witnessing you grow is an amazing experience!  I wouldn't change it for the world! And I wouldn't change anything about you!  You are perfect just the way you are!  I love you, Kevinator!  May we have many more memories together and more holidays to share!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lotus flowers

So I got a new tattoo.  I didn't do the sankofa like I originally thought about.  Instead I got lotus flowers on my forearm.  At first I wasn't sure where I was going to put it but then I thought about it...

I have ugly scars on my forearm from when I was a teenager.  I was a self-mutilator, a cutter.  At first it didn't bother me.  They had become a part of me and those hard knocks helped shape me into the individual that I am today.

Recently I've been looking at them with regret and I pity the girl that I used to be.  For she felt alone and like no one understood her.  There were many days that she would come home from high school, turn on the radio, and cry.  Wishing to be anywhere and anyone else.  She was always seeking change.  Always praying for a miracle.

Then she grew up and saw the potential she had to create a positive change for herself.  However, others would always try and stomp this optimistic/naive girl down.  When push comes to shove though she always stood her ground.

So I decided I needed to show this to the world.  I'm no longer a scared little girl but a confident woman.  The lotus flower grows in the mud, in darkness, and blooms to beautiful flowers above the water's surface;  and that symbolizes me as well.  For I have come from a dark past but now I have something beautiful to show.  I have a red lotus symbolizing an open heart; and a blue lotus symbolizing wisdom.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see and grow from my mistakes.  Thank you for those trials that made me the tough, confident woman I am today :)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The end of a rough week

This week started off rough... Won't lie.  My hubby and I went to a friend's house for a baby shower.  Everything seemed like a normal day.  When we got home I found our family cat of 2 1/2 years dead in our driveway.  Needless to say I was upset.  I yelled her name and ran inside.  I told my hubby who inspected her then came back to calm his wife.  He suspects that a snake got her... or maybe she was playing with a poisonous snake...  Whatever the reason I still miss her.  I haven't cried over a pet like that since I was 10 and our family dog got hit by a car...  She will be missed.

My cousin and husband talked me into looking for another cat.  Kevin was really upset when his betta fish died so we decided that a new cat might help soften the blow.  I looked on craigslist and sure enough I found a cat that a lady wanted to get rid of.  She had the cat for a while but she was allergic to him.  His shots are up to date and he is already neutered.  We met with the lady the next day and took him home.  He is an amazing cat with a wonderful loving personality.  Just what this family needed.

We are having our share of trials but my hubby still remains grounded.  He holds me close and whispers "We're going to get through it.  As a family we will get through it."  He truly is amazing.

Kevin remains level headed as well.  He misses our old cat.  He asked to see where she was buried and asked if I took pictures...  Of course, I did not.  I showed him where she was buried and we try to make it a point to go out there once a day.  We include her in our prayers as well.

As always tomorrow holds promise for better days.  Hopefully soon we'll hear good news.  God knows we need it.  As Jim says though "Together we will get through it.  Hell or high water.  We'll get through it."

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Ode to my hubby

I know not everyone can have a husband like mine and I'm sure I don't express it enough but I love him.  I feel quite blessed to have him in my life.  I pray that we will share many more years together.  He is without a doubt my very best friend.  He knows me inside and out.  He knows my biggest fears, every detail of my past, and he has seen me at my very worst; Yet he chose to stay beside me and offered me a shoulder to cry on, gave me hope when I lost mine, and believed in me when I quit believing in myself. 

I wish/hope that every woman has a man like this in their life.  I have been blessed with three: my husband, my son, and my dad.  Not to mention Heavenly Father and our savior, Jesus Christ.  I owe them for the amazing men in my life, and for my soulmate who I hope to grow old with.  Jimbob, I love you beyond words.  I wish I could've told you when we were teenagers.  I know that you would've brightened up my sketchy days in high school, but for whatever reason that was not in the cards for you and I.  I have you now and I am beyond thankful.  Thank you, my dear, for all that you do: Providing a roof up over our heads, thank you for being a great example to our son, for all the extra work that you do so we might be able to pay our bills, put food on the table, and going the extra mile so that we might have money to do special things as a family.  Thank you for your unconditional love for Kevin and I and for raising Kevin as if he was your own.  I know I don't say it enough so I'm saying it now: Thank you, Jim Dear, for all that you do.  I love you!  I hope you never have to question it.  Happy Valentine's Day, Love!!

I love you for now, for always, forever,


Friday, February 10, 2012

My Family

So I gotta say that I don't give my boys nearly enough praise.  Afterall they put up with me, which is amazing.  Kevin was asked recently "Who gives you hope?" to which he responded, "My mom."  Needless to say I was speechless and emotional...  He is growing up so quick!  He lost four of his front teeth and is still my handsome little dude!  He still likes to cuddle and read a book before bed.  I pray that these years won't fly by too fast.  I enjoy spending time with him and now on the way to and from school we enjoy eachother's company, instead of listening to the radio, and play 'I spy'.  I can remember playing this game with my siblings and parents...  I am truly blessed for my family.

My hubby is truly amazing also.  He got his raise and a bonus at work and chose to use the money that he earned to spoil me.  It was not needed but I am grateful for my gifts.  Jim has always been supportive of me and my dreams; what he got for me is proof of that.  Thank you, Jim Dear.  Now it's my turn to wow him for Valentine's Day and I honestly don't know how I'm going to accomplish that feat.

Kevin is my heart and Jim is the air I breathe.  I need both of them to function.  They are what clears rainy, dark, cloudy skies for me.  I must say that with these two boys by my side I feel quite spoiled and blessed.

                                                The day we became a family <3

Monday, January 30, 2012

Going Through Some Changes

I am really in need of a change.  I love my hubby to death and find that I really admire him.  Last week I met him for lunch at his job site.  Afterward he showed me what he does on a day to day basis: disconnecting fire alarms and things so that none of them goes off as he checks to make sure that everything is working properly.  He has several tools around his waist that all help him with his job and maintaining what he has to do.  I gotta say I cannot express the pride that I felt as I watched him work and the expression that was on his face while he worked.  I know that he loves his job; the expression on his face while he worked really made that more evident.  I know that his job sometimes stresses him out but he does LOVE what he does!  And how awesome is that?!

I really wish that I could find a job that I was really into as well; heart and soul.  I've been pondering about it a lot lately.  The job that I have now is part time so it would be perfect for me to go back to school right now...  There's just one problem...  I don't know what I want to study.  I must say that Massage Therapy is pretty amazing.  I love the patients that I see and get to work on but still I long for something that I would love...  I want it to coexist with what I do now.  So I'm thinking just maybe going back to school for Occupational Therapy or to be an Athletic Trainer...  I think I would love either one...  I'm gonna have to check out the class schedule and when I can start...

I also found another tattoo that I would love to have...  I know a lot of people don't like them but they mean something to me.  The one that I found is an African symbol called sankofa.  Sankofa is an Akan word that means san - to return; ko - to go; fa - to look, to seek and take.  It symbolizes a person taking from the past what is good and bringing it into the present in order to make a positive impact for the future, which is something that I believe strongly about.

I know that I have made a lot of mistakes in my past and that a lot has happened to me, but I always believed it to be for a reason.  Even if the reason is that it turned me into who I am today.  I should be grateful for the many hard trials placed before me because it just toughened me up for my future.  I'm not proud that I went through a divorce but it made me more grateful for the husband I have now.  It really makes me appreciate him and the hard work that he does for my son and I.

I know there's still a lot of struggles for me in the future as I try and conquer all my fears, but at least I know my goals and knowing is half the battle.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

2012's Resolutions

So this is my goal for this year: to better myself by finally letting go of my past, and to forgive others who have trespassed me in the past.  This year I just want to be happy.  I know a lot of it is my fault for dwelling on the past...  Wishing I could change things that have happened; more so wishing that old conflicts were resolved....  But it's time to stop the wishful thinking and to embrace the past.  I know that I have had a lot of bad things happen to me but I need to stop letting my past consume me.

So far this year has been decent...  We're in the first month so I can't trash it too much.  So far my hubby and my son are doing wonderfully.  Kevin remains growing like a weed, Jim is flourishing in the company that he works for.  He has his two year review next week and they have already promised him a raise *fingers crossed that it's at least $2 more than what he makes now*.  And now my cousin Masayori has recently moved in with us.  At first my parents weren't sure that it would work out, but Masayori has been one of my best friends since I can remember.  I don't see him very much because we have conflicting work schedules but so far he brings joy to our household.

Kevin is recently involved in dance and gymnastics; once spring rolls around Kevin might be enrolled in soccer again.  I say might because it will depend on our money situation.  Right now Kevin's dance class is getting ready to perform for a dance recital June 23rd.  He loves his activities and excels in both of them!  He's my talented little dude!

So back to me...  I dyed my hair red and black, my two favorite colors.  I have decided that it's time for a change and I love the way it turned out.  Dying it these two colors have always been a dream of mine so this year I did it.  Then I found my other resolution to accomplish all that I want to before I'm 30!  And then my last new years resolution is to attend church every Sunday.  So far our little family has done just that. 

I mean what I say and I say what I mean.  I want Kevin to have what I had growing up and possibly more.  I want him to be raised in the church just as I have.  I made good friends in the church and while other teenagers partied and drank I did not engage in those activities.  Today's youth seem so misguided and I don't want that for Kevin.  I want him to know of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, and I want him to have a testimony.  I want him to be baptized when he is 8 years old and attend Seminary when he's in high school just like I have done.

So welcome the new year with a smile.  Make most of this year.  Let go of the past, forgive the haters, and attend church every Sunday: these are my goals.  I pray for patience and tolerance, Dear Lord as I conquer all my fears.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Faith Unwavering

So the Lord does not bestow upon us anything that we cannot handle...  I have been reflecting upon this all week.  In our moments of weakness we often find strength beyond our own...  Sometimes the Lord gives us something to help make our trials more bearable as well.  I have found these things to be true...

Jim and I have had a great trial placed before us and on our way to church last Sunday I kept thinking, "The Lord places no obstacle before us that we cannot conquer," it was as if it was on repeat in my mind.  I felt the Spirit advising me to share this with my husband, however, I couldn't find the words and so I prayed for help.

The Lord answered my prayer as the missionaries came over after church.  We watched the video "Only a Stonecutter", which is an amazing film about John Rowe Moyle.  He was a stonecutter who walked twenty-two miles from Alpine to Salt Lake City, Utah where he worked on the temple.  When he was at home he would help with the chores on the farm and one of the chores included milking the cow.  One day while he was milking the cow the cow kicked John's leg so hard that he got a compound fracture.  The doctors thought it best to amputate his leg below the knee.  Many people would have gave up his task at this point, but John Rowe Moyle made himself a prosthetic leg out of wood with an articulating ankle.  Then he continued the twenty-two mile walk from Alpine to the Salt Lake City temple. What an amazing testimony he must have had!  I can only imagine the pain that he endured while he walked those 22 miles each week!

So at the end of the video the missionaries asked, "What did you gather from that video?"  To which I replied, "He had amazing faith and love for the Lord!"  Following that Kevin read a verse from 1 Nephi 3:7 "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I know that God always answers our prayers whether they're what we want to hear or not but Sunday night I was just in awe.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for your patience and allowing the missionaries come to our home and help Jim and I understand more about faith, trials, and enduring to the end.  I pray that we will always remember this lesson and remain faithful til the end.  Thank you <3

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

My boys

So I have had a lot on my mind, obviously...  Haven't decided if I like this thing yet or not. I'm still figuring it out.

I want to talk about my boys.  They're both so wonderful and so I dedicate this blog to them.  My hubby is one of a kind.  He is the kind of man that always thinks of others and although you wouldn't guess it he really is quite shy.  He comes from an amazing family and I love them all to death!  Although they've never been to church they believe in a higher power...  Jim used to say "There's gotta be someone responsible for this mess".  He also used to say that if it can't be proven by science than he wouldn't believe it...  However, the Lord had different plans for him.  We started having the missionaries over and one night they asked him, "Do you feel anything?" to which Jim said, "A warm, fuzzy, glowing feeling."  That got a laugh out of all of us.  The weeks passed by and the missionaries continually came over.  I wasn't sure if they were making any head way until I heard Jim say "When I'm a Sunday school teacher I'm gonna be a fun one."  I can only imagine the look on my face as the love of my life exclaimed that he wanted to be a member of the church.  The missionaries must have felt that he was ready too because the next time they came to visit they asked Jim what he thought about baptism and becoming a member...  I was so happy and excited I called up everyone on my side of the family to tell them the happy news.  We asked my dad to baptize him and of course, he was very much obliged.

Jim rescued me at a time in my life when I didn't know down from up.  I was in the pit of despair living with my brother and his family...  I was going to school and going through a painful divorce with a three year old on top of it all.  There were days where I wanted to crawl inside a shell and never come out.  Then Jim would take my hand and say "Heather, it's okay I am here.  You don't have to be strong."  He still wakes me up in the morning with kisses as he says "You're so beautiful."  He and Kevin is what saved me from the darkness.

My boy has forever been and will continuously be my miracle.  When I was younger I was diagnosed with epilepsy so I began to read about the drugs that I was putting into my body.  Depakote and Dilatin are dangerous to take when you're pregnant.  Birth defects are one of the many side effects of these drugs; and while I was reading more about anti seizure medications I saw that not only were birth defects an issue, but some of the other medications actually affected your chances of becoming pregnant.  I know some might think that a 17 year old or an 18 year old is a little young to be thinking about something like this; and it's not like I had a boyfriend at the time, or was trying; but after spending all day with my niece I would think about how much I would love to be a mom and have a child of my own...

But I can testify that God works in mysterious ways.  He blessed me with a child when I was 20 years old.  Before having my son I couldn't imagine my life with him but now I can't imagine my life without him.  He's the reason I push myself so hard.  I want him to have everything that I had growing up and more.  I want him to know that he is loved and I hope he will or is proud of his mommy.

He is such a smart little guy as well.  I bought him pre-k books when he was three and every day we would do a couple of pages or so.  He could recognize letters and spell before he was four!  What an amazing boy I have!  When he was three years old he told his very first joke!  I was teaching him how to say his last name, breaking it down for him "Ma-too-zick" and he looked at me with a big goofy grin as he said "Ma-three-zick"!  I couldn't keep from laughing which in turn made Kevin laugh and it was an endless cycle.

Not only is he smart and funny but he is also very caring.  He has seen me cry more than I would like to admit and he has always crawled over to me or walked over and put an arm around me and would say "Don't cry, mommy, it's okay" or he would say "I'm sorry, mommy, that you hurt."  His first day of Pre-K he hugged me and said "Is your heart going to miss me, mommy?  My heart's going to miss you."  And the list goes on and on of his sayings that have pulled on my heart strings that brings a smile to my heart but a tear to my eye.

So ladies don't say that "there aren't any good men out there" because there are.  They are rare but they are out there.  My husband (and my dad)  is proof of that.  Now granted neither of them are perfect but they are pretty darn close.  I love my hubby each and every day.  Every day I hear a song that reminds me of him and how blessed I am to have him in my life.  He is the first person I see when I wake up in the morning and the last person I see before I go to bed.

Kevin is my miracle and he knows it.  I write many poems for him as well and he loves going through my notebooks and reading them before asking, "Mommy, is this one about me?"  And the smile he gets when I say it is is priceless.  Hearing him say his prayers before bed is priceless and then he says "Mom, I love you,"  to which I reply "I love you more."  Then Kevin follows it with, "I love you to Jesus Christ and back, Mommy."  I know that my boys each love me very much because actions speak louder than words and both of my boys spoil me with love and affection.

God, I don't know what I did to deserve such amazing blessings as my boys but I hope I am always worthy of them.  I love them very much just as you knew I would.  I didn't used to believe in soul mates but my hubby has me singing a different tune.  I love you, Jim Dear, now and forever.  Kevinator, I love you to infinity and beyond.  My boys, I would be lost without you <3

Monday, January 16, 2012

My Creative Outlet

I am trying this out as I love to write.  Maybe this can be my creative outlet.

I am a Massage Therapist for the moment until I figure out what I want to go back to school for.  I hear a lot of input from my patients and I listen to all of them, however, for those that do not know me my son comes first.  Spending time with him is the highlight of my day so that pretty much rules out anything that is going to be time consuming.

Also I love my career but if I decide to do something else in the health field I don't think I will wander too far from Massage Therapy.  I love what I do.  It's really useful and I love helping people and seeing the immediate benefit of massage.  However, I must admit that I have another passion.  Animals.  Animals have always been one of my biggest passions since I was in Elementary School.  I was one of the nerds checking out every book on animals that I could find.  I would then take them home and start my very own binder.  Documenting pictures, the animal's habitats, what they ate, who their predators were, and what made them different amongst the other animals of its kind.

My other passion I would discover years later.  When I was a child I never dreamed of becoming a mother.  Whenever my friends and I would play house I was always one of the children.  However, the older I got and the more mature I got I realized that I indeed wanted to be a mother.  I think I was 17 years old when I realized this dream.  I became an aunt that year to my niece and she was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen.  I would come home from high school and babysit her for my sister until she or her husband got home.  I remember sometimes I would have the most hectic/awful day at high school but all that would disappear when I would walk into my sister's house and hold my niece in my arms.

As God would have it I welcomed my miracle into the world when I was 20 years old.  He is the most amazing, wonderful thing in my life.  I would truly be lost without him.  Watching him grow, witnessing him learning and hearing/seeing his first prayer, his first word, his first everything has been amazing...  And with that I found my other passion.  Children.  I love children.  I think if I were to go back to school it would be to be a pediatrician or maybe a counselor for young children.  However, if I go for animals I would study about zoology, veterinarian, or maybe even being a foster parent for wild animals...  But at the same time I wonder about being a foster parent for children....  Maybe being a writer...  The skies the limit, right?  So this is my goal this year...  To find my calling in the world.  With God's aid I know I can find it.  Let's pray that I'm listening for His voice, however.  I know that He will point me in the direction I need to go.  I just need to hold to my faith.