What I Wish You Knew... Another Autism Article

Thank you to everyone who has read and/or shared "I am My Son's Advocate". It is a topic I am very passionate about. I love my boys and my goal is to be the best mother and wife that I can be.

I know that my son having autism takes nothing away from him and I hate when people say vaccines caused this. Science has come a long way. If it weren't for science I'd be dead because I'm epileptic. So thank you to the scientists and the doctors who developed anti convulsants.

There's a meme going around on Facebook that I really like.

I really like this meme and I agree with it 100%. I know research says that there is more people being diagnosed than so many years ago but that is because doctors are better at diagnosing.

I can only imagine how frustrating it was for the parents to not have the answers that they would have had to today, or the individuals who got diagnosed as adults. I was relieved when we got our answers. I did not understand why Kevin had meltdowns and struggled with communicating. I did not understand why he had problems making friends or doing what the other kids were doing. When Jim and I got our answers it was "aha" and a little frightening...

His diagnosis lead to more questions, "What does this mean? Is he going to still have trouble making friends? Does this mean more bullying?"

Kevin has grown into a wonderful young man. He's in his teens now and has made some great friendships. He struggles with it a little bit because he's shy and he stays away from fads. For instance, he doesn't like Fortnite and popular bands. He has a passion for Pokemon and computer games. (The games changes almost monthly). As for the bullying it's not really an issue. As my husband pointed out, he's tall for his age so people assume he's older than he is.

He's still smart. School and academics comes a lot easier to him than they ever did to me. He's witty and sarcastic, but not always at appropriate times. He has trouble sleeping because of his imagination and still does not like scary things. This year he passed up the chance to go to Halloween Horror Nights as he felt it would be too scary. However, he's kind and has a big heart.

He is always giving me hugs and if there's ever a waiver in my voice he asks me what's wrong. He loves playing with his little brother and enjoys learning. Someone I know equated autism with her daughter's glasses, ADHD, and dyslexia. She said if her daughter didn't have these things then she wouldn't recognize her. These quirks are what makes her who she is and she would never change it or take it away! That's how I feel about Kevin. I really don't like the label "disabled". Kevin is not disabled! He processes things differently that does not mean he's disabled!

There's a lot of celebrities who have things like autism, dyslexia, and ADD! Could you imagine a world without it? I think it would be very boring if we were all similar! The people with autism are most likely the ones who think outside the box (like Temple Grandin) and those with ADD (like I'm sure Robin Williams and Jim Carey had/have) it makes for great comedy!

All I'm saying is see the person for who they are. Here's what I hope you take with you after reading this article:

Videos for my boys

Kevo just graduated out of middle school. These are the pictures and songs I compiled for him💖

James wanted a video after seeing Kevin's so I made one of his baby pictures 💖

Toxic Relationships

I recently read something about a toxic mother, so here I am talking about my toxic relationship with my brother. People are often surprised to hear my family and I have no contact with my older brother. Oh, the stories I could tell. My brother never physically hit me, but he used words like a knife...

It started when he was a teenager... maybe before that, but this is what I remember. He got into drugs and went into rehab. He ran away from home multiple times. Once to live in the woods behind our house and another time to live with friends... when he was at our house it was to get his stuff. Never to talk or hang out. One night he made the comment "my friends are better than my family". It really hurt my feelings but he didn't care. He thought it was funny to make his little sister cry.

He went to a different state to get his GED. He met a girl through the internet and continued to move to different cities with her in tow. He and my parents were always fighting. His girlfriend's parents kicked her out for not breaking up with him. They were both incredibly selfish people.

They got married before me. My brother refused to come to my wedding because his wife was my maid of honor and they were having problems. This was his way of hurting me on my special day, but he declared I didn't tell him the day or time. However, I called him numerous times to ensure he was coming. Despite his faults he's my big brother he should be at my wedding, right?

Everything was about my brother. I went to a concert with him and his wife. My brother was drunk and yelling at us for listening to "girl music" in the car. He was so upset when we were stopped at a red light he got out of the car and walked away. Nevermind we were at least an hour from home. We drove on. His wife took me home before going back to look for him.

On my birthday my mother had just finished icing the cake when my brother got every knife in the house and stuck them in the cake. It looked like a pin cushion filled with knives.  This hurt my feelings and my mother's. He found it hysterical. My mother locked herself into her bedroom to cry...

At my son's 4th birthday party at the park we grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. My brother picked up soda cans and put them on the hot grill insisting it would be hilarious if the cans exploded and sent shrapnel flying. At a park? With children around?

Then it was my niece's baptism. He refused to put on a shirt for the baptism and when the bishop politely asked him to, my brother's response was, "F*** off!" Loud and clear.

At my nephew's birthday party he drew swastikas on her back porch. We were in disbelief... none of us are racist or hold a grudge against anyone or anyone else's religion. We asked him to stop and again he had a colorful retort. He then went to my sister's trampoline and ripped the bars off of it.

I was getting remarried and both my fiance and I were worried about him coming to our wedding... he has proven time and time again that every occasion should be about him. There was always fighting, cursing, we were the bad guys, he the victim. Everything is our fault! Even now when we're haven't spoken to him in years! It's our fault for his bad decisions! Our fault he has problems! Our feelings don't matter! It doesn't matter the times he wrote us off and we were dead to him! We should just forgive him because he was joking. Oh, we took offense? That's our fault for being sensitive. We want him to go to counseling? "Why? There's nothing wrong with me!" Never mind the money he stole from us, our possessions, or anything he destroyed. We should get over it. "We're family," he'd say. It was a circle. We would cave, he'd need money so we'd give it to him and as long as we kept giving him money he was happy to have a relationship with us. Well, we were becoming broke from helping him pay his bills, paying for school, paying for daycare... we finally said, "ENOUGH!"

But we're still the bad guys?! It's maddening and frustrating, but you know what? I sleep better. Someone who manipulates you and uses you should not be in your life! Whether they're family or not! My boys will never know him and I am forever grateful!

My heart breaks for those who can relate to my story. This wasn't a decision we took lightly. It was years of manipulating, cutting us out, and then coming back with no apology. If you're going through this with anyone family or friend respect yourself enough to walk away. It's not an easy decision, but you'll be happier in the long run.