Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Years

     I love my boys so much! I look into our baby's face and I think "what was life like before you"; I don't even remember. Life would be so empty and boring without Kevin and James. They are what makes my world go round!

     And after three years of marriage Jim and I are going strong. *knock on wood* I love him and feel so grateful to be married to my best friend. I look at other couples who argue about alcohol, staying out all night with friends, or going to places without their spouse and I feel so fortunate that Jim and I don't have those arguments. Now we are by no means perfect, but our "problems" seem so little compared to others.

     I pray that Jim and I will have many years together and much to celebrate. I love him so much. I would be lost without him! Never pictured myself as someone who would say these things that seem to come from a sappy chick flick, but honestly that's how I feel. I love my husband. 2013 was definitely challenging but I hope 2014 will hold better surprises.

     Kevin will be 9 this year, James will be 1, and I will be the big 3-0... Ugh. I pray that this year will be better for Emma. I just want her to be happy. She's always been the twin I never had and she has a horrible past as well... She should have nothing but happiness in her future and deserves to be treated like a queen because she's the greatest person in the world! My future tattoo will be a ladybug (because Emma is the Ladybug Queen) behind my ear because she is my conscience.

     I love my family and friends! You are all so great and I appreciate your support! You'll never know how much your friendship means to me! I hope that 2014 is better for all of us. May we all find what we are in search of/need in 2014!

My handsome guys <3

Love this pic of Emma and James

My handsome baby

My Kevo

And my hubby

Glance back at 2012
Kev and I at Disney
(He's 7 and I'm 5 months pregnant)

Thursday, December 26, 2013

2013... Expect the Unexpected

So here's a recap on 2013; in one phrase: Expect the unexpected... In June Kevin was diagnosed with Aspergers, my cousin, Emilene, moved in with us, and in July I was diagnosed with postpartum depression.  Definitely not an easy year and things didn't go the way we thought or had planned.

I always knew Kevin was special and sensitive. For instance, loud noises were always a huge deal and I dreaded fireworks and theme parks as they were too noisy for Kevin's ears. Also, when Nate and I would argue around Kevin he would plead for us to lower our voices.  Kevin's anxiety has always made me curious too and worry about him. He has had many counselors because of his high anxiety and only the last one suggested that Kevin could have Aspergers.

Jim and I have always been supportive of my family. Emma was having problems with her husband, Shawn, so we offered her a place to live. My family all offered her gas money so that she could move down. She's on prescriptions for depression, allergies, and her vasculitis. Her husband has no work ethic and Emma was working full-time while on steroids and chemo. I know Emma still loves him but in my opinion, he'll never be good enough for her.

While adjusting to a new baby, a new roommate, and Kevin's therapist appointments every week I had to speak to my doctor as I felt like I was living in a daydream. I had many days and nights where I felt overwhelmed and would cry for what seemed like hours. After talking to my husband, my tween, and mother inlaw we decided it was postpartum depression. I talked to my doctor and was prescribed paxil once a day. After five months I'm finally beginning to feel like myself.

Emma's marriage is no better but no worse. Her husband is taking no responsibility and continues drinking excessivly. Emma is moving up in the Spring to be with her sister and go to college. We will miss her but we want her to be happy.

James is still growing like a weed! He's 29 and a half inches long and 22 pounds! He's taller than Kevin was at this age but the same weight. James has his first tooth coming in. It started coming in on Christmas Eve, December 24th. Kevin's first tooth came in in November, when he was 7 months old. It's funny how siblings can be so similar and yet so different too! I love my little guys more than anything else in the world!

This year was definitely difficult but it also gave me strength and changed my perspective. Like maybe going to school right now isn't the right thing to do. Right now helping Kevin through his diagnosis is more important. He now goes to therapy twice a week. But his Occupational Therapist always raves about what a genius Kevo is :) We couldn't agree more, of course.

Also this year helped me see that I need to make more time for myself. As a surprise Jim got me a deep tissue massage for St. John's Spa. It was really nice! I was nervous at first but I'm so thankful that Jim made me the appointment. I could feel her finding all my knots and stripping them away. So relaxing! :)

Jim and I are enjoying our baby. Even Kevin loves being a big brother. Kalib is jealous, of course, and wants to exchange his sister for him. Lol Jim and I both told him that that's not happening. All I'm saying is that yes, 2013 was a stressful year but we were also blessed with a new life; and my family and friends are a huge help to me. For the first month of my depression I would remind myself "I am married to my best friend and we have two adorable, smart sons; I live in a house with them, my tween, and our two cats. I am so blessed!" In short, I love my life. Even when times are tough. There's nowhere else I'd rather be then with my family. <3

I hope all my family and friends are doing well and have an amazing support system when things get rough, like I have. And as a reminder you'll always have me. So happy holidays to all and a happy new year! May all our wishes and dreams come true in 2014 and in the years to come!

The Fish grandkids

Emma's new haircut

James on Christmas morning