Ten and a Half Years Later...

It's almost eleven years since the Xbox murders and I still cry when I think about that horrific day... It was 2004 I was 19 almost 20, still living with my parents, working at Target as a cashier, and dating Nathan... We had heard about the murders but the victims were beaten with baseball bats and their bodies so badly mutilated that doctors had to use dental records to identify them... So it happened in Deltona, I thought, it's not going to be someone I know, right? Oh, how wrong and naive I was! Not only did I know someone, I knew two of the victims!!!

The first one I read about was Jonathan Gleason, he was 17. He went to the same church as me, we had mutual friends, but it wasn't until I tried fixing him up with my cousin, Emma, that I really got to know him. He was the guy who befriended everyone, regardless of your social status. His goal was to make people laugh and cheer up the sad, which is how I initially knew him. He cheered me up at a young adult meeting at the church and we were acquaintances after that. We said hello or waved at each other in hallways. Then he and his family helped my grandparents pack up their house on Karlo Court and I got to know him better. We liked the same music, I learned that he was in a band; he played the guitar and was their lead vocals and they performed at a small place in downtown Deland. Sadly I never got to see him play but I did attend some of his plays. He was always brilliant! The last play I saw him in was The Tales of Huckleberry Finn where he played Injun Joe, but I still have memories of him sneaking into my drama class as well when we had a substitute teacher. He was well liked and an awesome individual! One I'm proud to call a friend. His death was tragic and when I hear about it I still feel breathless and waiting to hear that this was a cruel joke...

The other victim I knew was Michelle Nathan. I didn't know her as long or as well as Jonathan. We became friends because we hung out with the same crowds and we both loved Blink 182. We ate lunch together and hung out at school, but sadly after I graduated we lost touch. Still my heart ached when I read about what happened to her and I cried for her as well as the other victims. I attended hers and Jonathan's funeral... They were both beautiful people who loved making others laugh! They were both energetic, outgoing, and weren't afraid to say what was on their minds!

Ten and a half years later... They're gone but their memory and the life they left behind lives on...

Anyway, I went off on a tangent, today one of the murderers finally got the death penalty! I just don't understand our justice system! Four men invaded a house with baseball bats and knives and killed six people!! Why are they just now getting their "justice"??! What about the families, the friends, the victims??? Ugh. So disgusted by our justice system. All four men should receive the death penalty, not just two.... Six loved ones were taken, their futures ended, their loved ones left without answers or any real comfort. Instead every day we carry memories, we feel hollow, and miss those who were taken...

Happy Birthday, James ❤

Birthday weekend was a success! We celebrated our baby Jamesers turning 2. I can't believe how big he has gotten! He is 35 pounds and 38 inches tall! He's as big as a 3 year old! No doubt he'll be tall just like his big brother!!!

He still loves water! My mom found the perfect toy for him. You pour water into it and James splashes it, like a water-table. He loves Curious George, books, songs, Mater, baths, the beach, and pools. Also, his brother recently started playing Soccer and James loves to watch his games.

We can't believe how fast our little man is growing! Seems like only yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital and now we're celebrating his second birthday!! Just crazy how fast time flies!

Here's some pictures from our weekend:

We love you, James ❤ You have given our lives so much joy!!! ❤❤❤

Happy Birthday, Kevin and Granny

My son has reached double digits this year! So hard to believe that he is 10! And to think that in another ten years he'll be 20! I asked him, "Who said our kids could keep growing up?"

To which Kevin replied, "Who said our parents could insist that they are fat?!" Touché, Kevin.

He continues to grow into a funny, intelligent, and kind young man. Yesterday we celebrated his birthday with Jim's family. They brought him two video games; one of which was disguised in a Whales cracker box.

Every year I ask Kevin what he wants for his birthday dinner and this year he chose to have rice casserole, a recipe I have learned from my mom. He loves it so much he ate three whole plates of it! And for dessert we had cake and ice cream. I had bought a penguin cake pan and, of course, Kevin loved it! He insisted for everything to be iced but its head.

Not only was it Kevin's birthday yesterday, but it was also my Granny's. She turned 83 years young. I love my Granny and love hearing her stories of my mom, my aunts, and uncles when they were children; as well as other stories about her childhood.

For her birthday my parents, Uncle Ricky, and Aunt Reneee took her to see my Big Daddy's grave in Bushnell; and then they hung out with my Aunt Janet and Uncle Miles at The Villages.

Two of the sweetest people I know share a birthday ❤ Even down to the minute ❤ I am so blessed to have them in my life. Kevin said his wish is to always be with us, his family ❤ Love my boy and really hope these next ten years don't fly by as quickly as these last ten years...

Happy Birthday, Granny and Kevin ❤ I love you both very much and my life would be empty without either one of you ❤

My Granny celebrating her
83rd Birthday with Big Daddy

Happy 10th Birthday, Kevo ❤

Purple Day

I feel as though I should write today. For those who don't know today is Purple Day for raising Epilepsy Awareness. I came across a picture that said "why should I raise epilepsy awareness when it doesn't affect me"? Well, once upon a time epilepsy didn't affect me either.

I've now been living with epilepsy for half of my life. Many people wouldn't know that I live with epilepsy. It's not a disease that you can see and fortunately we've found a medication that has kept me seizure free for the last six years, but there are thousands of others whose are not controlled by medications. Whose lives are so much worse because of this  neurological disorder. It's hard to explain what living with epilepsy is like... You're constantly afraid of when the next seizure will happen, if your meds will stop working, and how it will affect those around you.

I was fifteen when I was diagnosed and had many seizures aftwerward. Sometimes I'd have allergic reactions to the medication, the medicine would stop working, or I'd lose my health insurance. I've had seizures (grandmal and petitemal seizures) at school, at a restaurant, my home, the hospital, my work... And every time I would wake up in a cloud of incoherent thoughts, a migraine, and people standing around who could not speak English. And half the time I didn't recognize my surroundings because I was in a hospital bed or I was on the floor... Evey time I had temporary amnesia. I didn't understand the words people were spitting at me, I couldn't recall my name, my address, my parents names, or anyone's phone numbers.  Can you imagine waking up and not understanding why you're on the floor with strangers shouting at you in a language you don't understand? Or when your language and understanding comes back but you don't remember your name or your parents name? It's enough to make you cry and want to hide.

Or a petitemal seizure in which your arms have tremors or your legs give out beneath you. I can remember singing in Chorus class and throwing my sheet of music on the floor... Or drinking a Slim Fast before school in my mom's car and I kept dropping it over my lap... Finally my mom would have to turn around and drive me home to change because my pants were convered in the chocolate drink. One time I ran to my aunt's van and my legs gave out. I landed face down on the pavement and because it was a tremor I couldn't even put my arms out to break my fall...

It's hard to believe that I've lived with this disorder for half of my life. That it's had such an impact on my life. Still my story fails in comparison with others. I know of those who were not as fortunate and have died from having a seizure... And I've had family who were forced to leave the army because of seizure episodes as well...

Just seems crazy to me that people are not informed about epilepsy. Instead they turn a blind eye. It's life threatening and it affects 1 in 26 people! Be informed! You never know what it could mean to someone if you're the one who chose to help somebody that started seizing. I know I'm grateful for all who have helped me. It's because of you I'm here and not afraid to say "I have epilepsy". Thank you.

Today I wear purple and am doing my part to raise epilepsy awareness.

Accomplishments and Resolutions

It's been a while since I have posted anything... Minus the one I just updated for my Big Dad.  Our family of 4 is doing well. Kevin grows smarter every day. This Monday his school had an award ceremony and Kevin got 3 awards. Two were for staying on Honor Roll for both grading periods and he received one from his Drama teacher for being the most improved in his class.  Jim and I are both so proud of our Kevo's accomplishments thus far.  Kevin is coming more and more out of his shell every day.  He's getting better about vocalizing his feelings and desires.  He still uses a much more advanced vocabulary than I used at his age.  For no real reason other than we wanted to, we bought Kevin a new bike, which he loves as he and I went for a bike ride today.  Kevin said "it was awesome" and that he loves spending time with me. Having two kids makes it harder to have one on one time with Kevin so when we do get time alone it's a special occasion.

James will be two in a matter of months! His vocabulary is growing more and more every day, which I love witnessing.  We play games on my phone, he loves watching Mater Tales, so all of us can pretty much rehearse it along with the show or when we're given a cue. He's also very tall and is wearing a size 3T already! He needs to stop growing...  But alas we love our little Jamesers. Even Kevin loves his little brother and loves to help out with him and getting him to laugh. His newest accomplishments have been: sleeping in his own bed, in his own room, and drinking from a sippy cup. We finally threw away all his bottles. Yay!

Jim is still up to the same ol', same ol'; working til he drops. We all appreciate it though.  Because of his hard work I don't have to work and we have all our needs met. We all love Jim and are so very grateful that he takes such good care of us.

Then there's me. I spend a lot of my time hanging out with Baby James and picking up/dropping Kevo off at school or his activities, which I love spending time with my little guys so I'm forever grateful. I only have two resolutions this year and that is to live a healthy lifestyle and to be mentally healthy as well. This past week I have noticed old symptoms resurfacing so I am back on medication. A part of me is really saddened by this, but I also know that it is for the best.

So to all those who are suffering just hang in there. It'll get better.  I still believe it.  My sons and husband are what gets me through my tough days; and with all the accomplishments of James and Kevin I know that I must be doing something right.  I am so grateful for them and for my husband as well. I hope 2015 brings us much happiness and we all accomplish our goals.  I wish that for those reading this as well. May we all strive to be healthy and happy! And to only compete with who we were yesterday!

Happy Birthday, Big Daddy!

So I meant to post this for my Big Daddy on his birthday...:

Today would have been my grandpa's, Big Daddy's, 85th birthday... I've heard a lot of stories about him over the years and so I wanted to share a few...

When my dad was forced to retire from the Air Force my parents wondered where we would go. My dad's parents had passed away previously and so my mom suggested we move to Florida so that my siblings and I could get to know our only living grandparents.

We lived at Karlo Court in Deltona for a short time with our grandparents. My sister and I shared a room and my brothers shared a room. There was an outside pool in the backyard and a play house where the neighbor kids and I all played. It was a big adjustment but over time I think we all learned to love it.  Big Daddy loved all of us and wanted to be a part of our lives. I think that's why he let six people move into his house that he shared with his wife and son.

Big Daddy always attended family functions. He attended The Nutcracker, baptisms, and, of course, was around for holiday get-togethers.  I am forever grateful that he allowed Jim and I to have our wedding in his backyard.

He loved having the family together so a lot of times we'd go to Time Shares together in Georgia or at Daytona. He also liked playing cards games and over the years taught us to play Old Heck, Phase 10, Hand and Foot (which later became Hand, Knee, and Foot), and Dominoes.

For those that knew Big Daddy knew that at times he could be a handful. He liked things a certain way, he could be loud, or argumentive but he always meant well. After our visits he'd say, "Drive safe. PC," which meant precious cargo because that's what he thought of all of us. We were, we are, his precious cargo.

He loved the LDS Church and even when he and Granny moved into The Villages they still attended church regularly. He loved playing golf in the gated community in which they lived. He and Granny made friends there that would play card games with them. Whenever we went to visit them it was always guaranteed that we'd go to the town square to dance and end the evening at Ollie's where Big Daddy would treat us to ice cream.

I especially missed him over the holidays. We have always had our holidays together as a big, loud family, and remains one of my favorite times of the year. This year, however, Big Daddy wasn't there to bless the food, to meet his new great-grandchildren, to hand out hugs, to hand out money to the younger kids, and enjoy our company...

Granny has been handling his passing well. She said it's like he's at work (the army) and he'll be back, even though she knows it's not true. She misses him greatly and so she and some family members are going to visit his grave this weekend.

So in closing I just want you to know that you are missed, Big Daddy. I think of you often... I remember you arguing with Kennedy that she was going to get food all over her dress and Kennedy said it wasn't a dress, it was a big shirt; this argument went on for a while until Granny asked "Are you arguing with a three year old?" And you said, "I'm not arguing, she's arguing!" Granny then replied, "It takes two to argue."

The year before that when we were at the cabin we: Renee, my mom, Granny, Emma, and I went to get food (and you were really craving French Fries); well Renee accidentally drove us into a ditch and while we waited for someone to help us Granny sat in the car and ate all the French Fries. When we finally got back to the cabin we told you that their fryer was down.

I remember after the eighth grade you took me on your trip to Illinois where I met Uncle Miles, Aunt Janet, Todd, Ally, Jeremy, Holly, and Katie for the first time. I remember being really nervous at first because I was a shy teenager but I had a lot of fun hanging out with my cousins. I got to see my Uncle's goofy sense of humor first hand after hearing about his pranks from my mother. I got to see my Aunt and a couple of her many talents: teaching, cooking, baking, quilting. I had a lot of fun.

So for the fun memories thank you. I hope you know that you're missed. I hope that wherever you are you're at peace. Love you, Big Daddy and Happy Birthday.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

So as this year comes to a close I can't help but be grateful for my many blessings. The year started out with much sadness as my grandpa, Big Daddy died. However, a lot of babies were born this year into our family and I know he loved all his grandchildren and great-grandchildren so that would've made him very happy. I believe that there is more to this life, that we go somewhere after we die, and I believe that Big Daddy got to meet his great-grandchildren there before they came to us.

So what else is new with us? James is growing like a weed! Today he is 20 months old! My how time flies! He loves cars, he loves "Mater's Tall Tales", and he is a bit of a dare devil. It's amazing he's made it to 20 months with no stitches! He has no fear! He loves climbing, running, spinning himself in circles, loves playing with the big kids, and loves books! He's also very stubborn. He only says words when he wants to. He can say: apple, up, Luna, Bubba (Kevin's nickname), row, cluck, wake up, get up, and shut up. His favorite word is "no". I'm also happy to report that he's a very healthy little boy. ❤

Kevin is coming to grips of going to school every day. He still loves Science. When the book fair was at his school he picked out a big $20 science book. I love that he loves Science. His goal for now is to get a job related to science when he grows up. He still loves Pokémon, video games, and penguins. He also continues to get taller and taller every day. Right now he is up to my chin and he wears a size 5 shoe, which my feet can fit into. He still sees a therapist every two weeks to help with Aspergers. He is getting a lot better at communicating his feelings and is becoming more confident with who he is. ❤

Jim has been working at United Fire for four years now. At the beginning of December Jim and I got to go to a Hockey game in Tampa to celebrate United Fire's 15th Anniversary. The company paid for our tickets, had food and drinks for us, and a hotel room. We're really glad that Jim has found this company! And they appreciate his work as much as Jim loves his job. ❤

As for me, as you might've read from my last blog, I'm doing much better. I am off of Zoloft and doing awesome! I have more energy, no suicidal or homicidal thoughts, and I'm feeling like my old self again. I'm still a stay at home mom because I love spending time with James and Kevin whenever I can. ❤

We did have a scare this year though. My mom had to take my dad to the ER because he was experiencing chest pain. Luckily it wasn't anything serious because he was only hospitalized for a few days. He was put on a liquid diet while he was there and lost weight. The doctor said he needs a no salt diet, no sweets, and needs to exercise more. If he gains three pounds in a week he has to go back as that means he's retaining water again. So far he hasn't had to go back and is losing weight from eating healthier. ❤

When he was in the hospital only I went to visit him. Jim stayed home with the boys. Kevin hugged me when I got back and so I told him Grandpa was doing great and should be released from the hospital soon. Kevin hugged me tighter and said, "I don't want your dad to die." That comment almost sent me to tears but I assured him that Grandpa would be okay. When my dad was released from the hospital Kevin asked his teacher if she thought his Grandpa would be okay. She reassured him that if the doctors released my dad then that means he'll be okay. Then the following weekend we went to my parents house and Kevin walked into my parents bedroom where I was talking to my mom and my dad was relaxing on the bed and Kevin said, "Are you feeling better Grandpa?" My dad said he was feeling lots better. Kevin smiled, "Good". Just that little conversation made my eyes tear up. To know that Kevin was so concerned that he brought it up to his teacher and to my dad ❤ Just pulls on my heart strings to have such a kind and sensitive boy ❤

Anyway, I wanted to share pictures of the new babies that we welcomed into our family this year as well as wish our family, our friends, and everyone reading this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Heath and Bekah welcomed Adam
 into the world on Feb. 7

Ben and Lizz welcomed baby Kai on March 18

Colt and Katie welcomed baby Conner on July 25

And the newest baby to make

 her way into the world is Lilybell,

born on Dec. 20 to Jeremy and Hannah

 Congratulations to all my cousins for their newest additions this year;

Fish cousins: Kevin 9, Kennedy 13, Oliver 10,
Hayley 8, baby James 19 months, and Kalib 9

Kevin 9 years and James 19 months old

And to all our family and friends, as well as those reading this blog, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!